When I was 17 I washed dishes at a shitty little seafood joint. My boss (we'll call him Bob) was always hanging out on the patio getting drunk and hitting on women even though he was married. He was super nice to the servers but treated the kitchen staff like shit. The restaurant was right on the water, and was rat infested. They would put poison out, and the rats would crawl inside and die on the stairs or by the bathrooms. The servers code was “seagull” and one of us kitchen people would have to go pick up dead rats (oops, seagulls) a couple times a month. The walk in fridge was never up to code. Basically it was a shithole. I would work 8 hour shifts, smelling like seafood, shucking oysters and washing dishes, and I would often be there later than everyone else by half an hour sometimes.
So, one night, Bob walks into the back, drunk, and sees me still there, and he says, "son, how are you ever gonna own your own restaurant, or a boat if you don't hussle?"
I used to have an issue with authority, and I was already sick of Bob always talking down to me at this point, and I snapped. I said, “Bob, I saw you make out with some chick who wasn't your wife earlier this week. You're like unsuccessful Jimmy Buffet and I sure as shit don't want to be you when I grow up.”
He told me fuck myself and not to worry about coming in for any future shifts, but I came in the next day and worked there for another 3 or 4 months before finding a better gig.
I still can't believe how quickly I came up with the "unsuccessful Jimmy Buffet" line, usually I can't think of a good comeback until after the fact.