I want to start off but saying that my initial time posting to this was very fruitful with outside opinions and support. I very much appreciate that overwhelming majority of communication on here is very earnest, just and sound. I have been so conditioned, that I feared to ever asking for help and not just pushing forward. My last post was in regard to 8+ years of working for my father in law, while becoming rather sick over the past 5 years due to an autoimmune disorder and several failed surgeries along the way.
Over the past five years, nearly all of my time away from work has been entirely due to surgery complications and my autoimmune disease. That being said, I have never once exceeded my allotted time off or taken any of it during our busy season. I don't want to weight this post down with all the details, as I will start to ramble because this has become sore subject to me that has essentially eroded my self worth and mental well being.
It is important to mention that I have been more than the “team player” than anyone else in the company since my time starting. In fact, only one employee has been working there longer than me and he is a generally pleasant individual who acts a more of a subcontractor. He is not beholden to any type of responsibility, has perks that literally no one has and I understand the agreement with my father in law, as I too see him as an overall big asset/benefit to the company.
All this being said, I have submitted two letters of resignation this summer, both detailing the reasons as to why, to keep thing very professional. The first letter was with a 6-month notice of leaving and the second (2-months later) with a 4-month notice. The second letter was to essentially plead that some changes be made for my ability to continue my work. This is where this post will rapidly go down rapidly in grammar and professionalism hill because I am entirely done and need some advice.
I need to find a way to translate my skills to another field ASAP. Though I have time that I simply work full time, it is expected of me to work 60+ hours/week Feb-May, 50+ hours/week May-November, then I revert to full time. With my failing health, I simply cannot sustain this type of work load. I have a 50 minute commute each way to work and have been very suicidal as of recent. I fear I will succumb to these thoughts sooner than later due to my difficult situation. When I say “never work for family”, I could not be more earnest in my words. I am considering killing myself over this predicament and this is my cry for help…
During the spring, when our industry is ramping up, I typically sleep on the floor of the office 2X/week, while being able to get two consecutive 14+ hour shift in, to ensure I have weekends free for my family. I also miss literally everything that my family is a part. I don't have any social media but looking at my wife's, you would assume she is a single mother or I died a long time ago… I have put this company first over everything for 8 years straight and I simply can not do it. I'm getting so sick to my stomach typing this, that I simply can properly explain my situation.
I am essentially the punching bag of this company with a revolving door of employees who treat me like complete shit, berate me and I have been physically attacked by two employee's (one who still works there). We do not have the staff to complete our work and I get screamed at via phone/email/text literally every single shift by our wealthy customers. My boss/father in law does fuck all to fix anything and tells me to stop being sensitive, then waivers about one a month and admits it is all fucked and he has no idea what to do.
I am just a completely broken person who has proficiently trudged through 8 years of hell and I simply don't know what to do. My kids are constantly sad that I am never around and I have become completely emotionally unavailable to my wife because I can't separate her from the causation of my problem(which is fucked and I'm working on it. She's literally the best part of my life). I'll end this soon but my biggest fear is that keeping this shit company from failing, has robbed me of 8 years of developing skills that I could use elsewhere.
I am essentially AP/AR, customer service, office manager, customer relations, still work in the field and I maintain all the fleet vehicles + over 40 pieces of gas powered equipment. This is the perfect example of someone literally wearing too many hats. The worst of all is that after at least having a receptionist the past 7 years (new person nearly every year), we don't even have a receptionist anymore. I'm sure you folks will be sympathetic and I tried to be accurate in my description and I sit here drinking but I am so scared for two things. I take my own life or simply can not replace this hell job with anything aside from minimum wage, which is not an option. I'm so sorry to have such an incoherent post but I needed to do something. I had to sit in a parking lot on the way home from work for an hour; so I knew my kids would be asleep, because I honestly felt like I couldn't hide the pain and failure from them.
Best,