Not sure this is a subreddit where a post like this will get answers, sympathy or jeers but here it goes. Note throughout writing this I struggled with whether “safe” or “secure” was more evocative of what Im attempting to describe…I went with secure, but safe could have worked too.
In our system, in work life…when does one get to feel secure? I'm 43, well past the point in my career where 23 year old me would have assumed I would feel secure…and I dont. In fact, if anything, I feel less secure. As my income increases so do my responsibilties, as my assets increase so do my chores. At 23 I worry about me, at 30 I worry about myself and my wife, 35 worry about myself, wife and a house, 38 add kids to the list…43 add employees to the list. Feels like Im stacking cards on top of eachother and even if it looks good from afar it feels like its more and more teneous and there is more and more to lose if it crashes down and not just for myself. Money doesnt really seem to help this feeling….or at least it doesnt at the point I assumed it would.
Maybe I just need perspective and everything would seem fine but my job feels like it might disappear (even though Im doing fine), I feel distant from my wife having so little time to spend and kids I dont spend enough time really connecting with. Job responsibilities arw such that my faliure means other people could lose their income. Yet there is still this voice in my head saying “okay yeah but if you buckle down and push another 20 years you will have enough to be completely safe and will feel totally secure and all this fear will wash away and it will feel better than ever before. Just stick it out, get that much more money because thats what gives security.
That voice lying? Does anyone feel secure? I dont know, this is probably the wrong crowd to be asking but I felt like venting about the work cycle and this place seemed appropriate.