Hey guys
I've been going through a dilemma but to be honest it's been going on for about a year since joining this new team I am in.
My MH is getting worse by the day, I've had some time off previously but nothings changed and I really pushed myself to be optimistic because I know I can control my attitude towards things but it's getting harder everyday and starting to feel like I have no shits to give.
Here are a few things that's impacting my MH:
-constant changes because higher ups leaving and lack of clarity and direction
-always dealing with last minute requests – I understand sometimes this does happen but when it's constant its too much
-not feeling valued or listened to. My skills not optimised and no real development opportunities. I am a proactive person and take initiative where I can, but I've been batted away many times and it's making me feel what's the point of trying.
-toxic work culture. Most of my team members are nice but some are in their clique groups that I have no desired to be involved with, I hate bitching and people taking a piss out of others, I.dont care if others do it, that's fine but do not involve me in those conversation especially when they are about my peers who I respect alot.
I've lost all my confidence, im not sleeping well, reacting negatively because my anxiety is on overdrive ( I take very strong meds and pay for a private counsellor) and I over eat and feeling like a bag of shit. I have had some time off previously but I cannot afford to have anymore off without it damaging my credibility. My organisation claims they don't discriminate but hell people always find ways around it.
I know I need to find a new job but because I feel like shit I flop in interviews. It feels like I can't escape.
Any advice?