I had a rough childhood growing up. Both of my parents were alcoholics. It scarred me as a person. I was riddled with social anxiety, depression, and sociotropy. From as long as I can remember, I have had suicidal thoughts. I didn’t think I would live to see 18. And then I did. And I had no goals, no purpose, and still no will to go on.
A number of factors kept me alive. Mainly Because I cared about what my death would do to others and because I’m a coward. My only positive role model was my very out of touch grandparents. I love them so i listened. After taking a year off after high school doing absolutely nothing and working a job that only paid $9.00 an hour, they convinced me to go to college to set myself up for a better future. A “guarantee” to make a living wage and live a comfortable
Life.
I could only afford to take courses online and work while in school. My grandfather helped with my tuition and I bought myself books and whatever else was necessary. I studied my butt off. I majored in graphic design and multimedia arts and took every class I could to set myself above my peers. I took business classes, I took psychology classes, I took coding classes. I seized the opportunity to learn as much as I could. All of the classes I took I passed with an A. Finally graduated Summa cum Laude last year. So I am no stranger to working hard.
During that time I also worked on my mental health. I by no means “cured” myself, but the depression and some of the anxiety began to fade away.
While in school I got a job in my degree field. Again paying so little I was still stuck at home with my parents. A year goes by I’m miserable and I find another job, not exactly in my degree field but close enough and it pays more. Another year goes by, after being tormented and screamed at in front of everyone by the business owner, I quit on the spot. I liked the job but it still didn’t pay a living wage. I worked my ass off at that job, in hopes it would pay off. Giving countless additional hours of my life to it, for nothing.
Now I have finally moved out of my parents house. I live with my SO, my sister, and my sisters SO. In a small two bedroom house. I am unemployed. I get denied every job in my degree field despite my credentials and hard work, often times I won’t even hear back for an interview. I live in an area where jobs in my degree field are scarce as is, so I don’t have an unlimited amount of options to apply to. My SO student loans hit in august, so I have to find something fast. I will be forced to work a low paying job yet again because no where will hire me and we have bills to pay. I am now more depressed than I ever have been. I have done everything I was suppose to. Work hard, don’t rest, go to college, and make good decisions. I have done it all for what? To be unemployed, with a useless degree? I’ll never be able to buy a home, afford to start a family, or live without worrying about money.
The American Dream is a lie. We will work until we die without ever making enough to get by .