I’m kinda stuck in a rut and people tell me i just have a bad attitude or that i’m lazy, but i don’t want to fucking work my life away. Maybe if our jobs weren’t such shit I wouldn’t be as upset about the fact that 75% of my life will be spent in a 9-5 with people i don’t like or care about.
I’m 21 and I already feel like i’m running out of time with the people I love. I don’t want to spend 5/7 days away from the love of my life. I want to spend every moment with him and experience life the way we should.
I don’t have a job right now, which i guess is my fault, but i keep finding myself in abusive work environments and i had short term ptsd from 2 of them in the past year alone. The trauma and mental toll isn’t worth it to me and i’d almost rather be homeless at this point. I’ve been applying to tons of jobs that i’m over qualified for and i keep getting rejected. A degree these days is worth $15 an hour and for everyone else you’re supposed to be happy with $9-11/hr. THAT IS NOT LIVABLE!!
I hate saying these things because they really only bring down the people around me who try to be positive, but it feels fucking stupid to me to deny the truth. I know i’m depressed and I have been for a while but why the fuck wouldn’t i be. My dream is to have a freaking yard. I want to be outside and not have to worry about being up at the asscrack of dawn to work so i can feed myself. Years ago, people goals were to travel the world but that is literally impossible right now and the foreseeable future.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to enjoy life when things are like this please let me know. Are there really any ways to make a living without feeling soul sucked? I feel like at 21 i shouldn’t even be thinking these things but here we are.