So, I moved across the country about a year ago now for a job. It was for higher pay, same industry, but I’ve always wanted to move away from my hometown and the pay was good so I took it.
However, the past year has been absolute hell. I haven’t made any friends in my new area because I’m constantly working at least 65+ hours per week. So, by the time I get home I’m drained. On top of that, the management at this company (fairly large about 200+ people) is asinine. It’s just micromanaging galore and constant threats to all the staff in my department of getting fired. It seems like a tactic management uses to be like “do it my way, or we’ll have to find someone else.” Then communication is a shit show where we’re never told about things until the day they need to be done, so we’re constantly playing catch-up but our direct manager has known about it for weeks and just didn’t tell us for whatever reason. It’s like I’m constantly climbing up a mountain with no end in sight and more rocks keep getting thrown down out of nowhere to knock me down. It’s absolute hell.
On top of that, I’ve had one of the worst years personally as well. My uncle died and I wasn’t able to go home for the funeral, my grandmother is currently in the hospital on her death bed, and my own mental and physical health has declined rapidly. I’ve taken to drinking a lot after work just to get through the days and deal with everything.
Recently I started having dark thoughts of ending my life. I’m so lonely and burnt out and I don’t know what to do anymore. My lease is up soon and I’m tempted to just not renew, quit my job, and head back to my hometown. But at the same time I feel like I’ll be seen as a failure and won’t be able to find another job. But on top of that I know I can’t keep living the way I am, and my family needs me. I don’t know what to do anymore.