Hi all — will try to keep this brief. Long story short, my employer (a community mental health agency where I work as a therapist) is showing its true colors as as gossipy and corporate environment. Our therapist and admin team is rather small. We all tend to get to know one another closely and I've had great rapport with most everyone. Over the last two months, I've dealt with an emergency surgery, my younger sister being diagnosed with a cancer, and an unexpected break-up – he literally abandoned me and our family while I was out of town – after 3.5 years together.
I also have had tense conversations with two supervisors about my work: performance, schedule, growth, etc. They basically say: “You're amazing…do a great job…compassionate…never late on documentation…fix errors rapidly, etc.” However, their annual review was lame and essentially said: “You met our expectations…cool.” When I felt I had been busting my ass all year, including continuing education (which they didn't give a rat's ass about). For the last 14 months, I also have been running an intensive substance use group 3 nights a week till 8pm (which contributed to an unhealthy work schedule and conflict in my relationship). [Also, my partner had an unhealthy relationship to work — fuck work!!]. I tried to communicate my dissatisfaction with the schedule and was met with “You'll basically have to quit” if I wanted my schedule to change. It felt like they hyped me up and praised my work — all to say, you're not worth keeping if it means changing things…we can replace you.
Another cultural issue at work was that it took months of talk to get a fucking “all are welcome here” or rainbow flag in the lobby to demonstrate our openness and support. It felt like they didn't want to piss people off for some reason? I guess living in a blue city in a red state? Gross on their part for not displaying inclusion that reflects the clients we serve. I was told by our VP of DEI that: “We're a business, but we're a people business.”
All this to set the stage: Yesterday, a trusted colleague told me that they overheard most of the therapist team saying: “We'd like to support him…but he is so unapproachable.” I have never attacked anyone or been disrespectful. I come in, do my job, leave. Why do we have to break bread or have “mandatory fun?” Also, it's complex as I am the only male-identified person in our building (a gender disparity in the field already). And I'm gay. I feel like if I don't become the “fun, gay, easy going, bubbly” stereotype, I get looked down upon. I communicate kindly and am almost too nice in my approach (but not disingenuous). I reflected on the team and could not pinpoint a negative interaction with each therapist. I validate, support, and affirm our work — the work is isolating so we don't hang out really. I don't always sit at our desks because it's a fuckin' cubicle environment outside of the therapy rooms — I move to sit alone by the sunny windows and to put my head down to work, for example. It's like they want me to sit at my desk, even if I have nothing to do, to just look like I'm a part of the team?
I guess, I'm not sure what to make of all this. I'm wondering if anyone else can relate? Or has any pointers for navigating this space? I have two interviews next week. I want out and have started to do the “quiet quitting” thing.
Above all else, I want to be sure to comment that I adore the type of work — and, more importantly, the clients I get the privilege to serve. That is why I'm here. It seems, however, the agency is a corporate sell-out.