For context: 22, Associates degree, construction field, 20-24/hr
Most of my days I'm able to power through and just sit and wait til pay day. Every once in a while I zoom out and go “wtf am I doing with my life” and spiral into an anxiety attack because I feel like no matter how much I get paid it's never gonna be enough as long as I have to continue to spend 40 hours/week to get it. 40 hours is a lot of time, time I would love to have to myself. And I feel like a huge majority of people realized this 'zooming out' during the pandemic when they had time to sit for those 40 hours and really think about what they're doing with them. We suddenly started dreaming again, planning for things we'll enjoy, figuring out hobbies and activities that made us happy and it felt great while it lasted. But now we're back to the grind.
I'm constantly told to 'enjoy my youth' and 'dont get old' but idk how I'm supposed to do that when I'm working the same 40 hours as the people giving me that advise. I've been working since 15 I've paid for my own cars, my phone's, food, pets, gas, etc. I live at home because I can't afford to move out, I can afford to go to the gym but not eat healthy or eat enough calories to actually see results, I'm thinking about getting a bachelor's but I'm not sure if it's entirely worth it in my field. So many questions, so many different paths I can take. I'm transgender so I feel like I owe it to my past self to be happy with my life since I made this sacrifice and should just be content with what I have and where I'm at. But I'm so scared I'm gonna work hard all these years then get hit with a cancer or disease at 42 and all this work would of been for nothing because I won't get to actually enjoy it.