I (35M) didn't think I'd be here but I genuinely don't know what to do. I created this account just as a precaution. I work as a project coordinator on a mental health project for a healthcare org. It's me and the project manager (I'll just refer to them as BB -bad boss). I was brought on to help BB in the fall of last year. They've been at this for the past 3-4 years.
Things were fine until the last few months as BB has become increasingly hostile towards me. I have made a few mistakes here and there, but most of these mistakes or oversights are because BB's not a very good manager. They like to micromanage but also expect me to be a mindreader and to already know a lot of what they mean. BB also is not very good at communicating both oral and written. The micromanaging has gotten ridiculous at some points. BB also jumps to conclusions a lot, assumes things and then I end up explaining what is going on, and they end up having to apologize to me. They've apologized at least 10 times for jumping the gun at this point.
For example, as part of my duties I had to run zoom meetings, take minutes, and share my screen all at the same time. The job is hybrid so most virtual meetings are done from home. I only have my laptop which is mine, not my employer's, and I have asked BB for a second screen at least four times, and as you can probably guess, falls on deaf ears. I guess the project does not have any funds in the budget for these types of things. During one meeting, I couldn't do it all at the same time so I started typing notes on my phone in the Notes app and looked down. Immediately after the meeting I got a hostile email saying I am expected to pay attention during these meetings so that I don't miss any details (they can't be bothered to take their own notes, and 100% relied on my notes instead.)
Other examples include shifting priorities unexpectedly, and then forgetting about making those decisions and lashing out when I haven't done one thing because they shifted our focus to something else. Something else is that they say I interrupt them when they're talking or talking out of turn but I've interjected because they started stuttering going “uh uh uh” and seemed like they were struggling to remember what point they were trying to make. Another time they forgot to include some information in a meeting, and a few minutes later I brought up what they forgot, only to be told that I should have texted that information to them because the info would have been better coming from them instead of me.
Things slowly escalated but since this job is only supposed to last two years, I figured I would try my best to make it to the end by acquiescing and being as agreeable as possible with BB. Over the last few months, I have felt like they have just been chipping away at me and the qualities that got me the job in the first place. I am great at interacting with others, great at public speaking, and also great at writing. BB kept pointing out my personality as though they are flaws that need to be fixed. Can't look away during a zoom meeting, can't speak in meetings, etc etc. There are more examples I can give but I am still in this situation right now so I don't want to make this all too obvious in case it somehow gets back to them or my employer.
Like I said earlier, things have escalated in the last few months. BB went on vacation and while they were gone I was left with a list of things to do. I completed everything on the list except one thing, and gave them an update when they got back. I did also let them know about the one thing I missed, and I apologized for that. I was upfront about it. They didn't say anything until a week later. They called me and just my luck I was in the bathroom so I missed their call. Called BB back and they started screaming about the mistake I mentioned earlier and a mistake I had made on a separate document (part of my list of things to do while they were gone). I was so shocked that they were actually full-on screaming at me, and was so taken aback when I would try to apologize or say something, and at one point cut me off and would not let me talk at all. There are a lot of details left out here but it was a lot of jumping to conclusions and assuming without asking questions first again. They decided to escalate to her superior, who is a lovely person and genuinely a joy to be around. I respect BB's boss immensely and he has always been friendly to me.
I email BB's boss because I figured I may as well start playing chess so to speak. Also, I should note that I have been exploited and verbally abused before at previous jobs, and as a gay man I refuse to let anyone disrespect me in the workplace anymore. Those days for me are over, and I at the very least make sure I address it when it unfortunately happens. I could see them twisting things to their favor and I was right. BB emailed, and so did I. I asked that we meet sooner rather than later because I was concerned they were creating a hostile work environment. The meeting was immediately scheduled for the next day.
The meeting lasted almost two hours. BB attempted to assassinate my character, downplayed the screaming, and gaslit both of us about what supposedly happened. Everything that BB tried to throw out there, I had a response for. The night before I had typed up notes for myself so that I could keep my thoughts clear and organized. I had a rebuttal for everything, and while the meeting went on BB's voice kept getting louder and louder to the point where BB's boss noted it and so sided with me. I felt I was able to defend myself and illustrate that this person is not a competent manager, and is rude and petty for no reason. After the meeting BB asked me to print documents and while I did that, came into our shared office, closed the door and then attempted to justify the screaming as being triggered by what I had said to their initial complaint during that call. I did not agree, and after a few more minutes of almost re-litigating everything we had just gone over with their boss but with no witnesses. I felt awful after that closed-door ambush, and had a hard time getting through the rest of the day but I managed. After going over everything that BB had said and how they tried to throw me under the bus for small issues we had when I first started the job and had considered resolved, only for BB to act incredulous when recounting what I had done to her boss.
So I decided to send an email the next morning to both of them, recapping what was said and how I thought it was unnecessary and inappropriate considering we had just agreed to keep all communication via email going forward. After this email, it was radio silence for the rest of the week except for hostile emails that I got every few hours, with a different duty that BB was taking away from me. Ultimately left me with one of our projects, and even took our new intern away to only work with them despite originally saying the intern was going to help me.
My mental health suffered, the meeting itself was hard to get through but I did it, though I was left shaken by the last thing she brought up which I thought was unfair and unrelated to everything. I realized I could not trust this person at all with any information or to even be able to work with them anymore. By Friday, it had been four days of elevated heart rate, nausea, sweaty hands and feet, headaches, no appetite. I am not an anxious person generally, but I just felt this awful sense of dread like I haven't felt ever probably. The doctor gave me medical leave for a week due to mental stress and anguish. My vitals were not where they normally are. I was agitated, emotional, and all the staff at my doctor's office noticed. They were all very kind. My provider gave me a few anti anxiety meds to help me stabilize my heart rate. That same day in the evening BB's boss emailed us both and CCed HR and another higher-up basically saying these rounds of emails are not productive and recapped the 2-hour meeting. Most of the blame was laid on me (I assumed this would happen because they need to protect the project and there is a possibility of getting a few millions in funding from the County and State governments), but he also put some of the blame on BB, still minimizing their actions but agreeing that they overreacted. No response from HR or anyone else on that thread.
I extended my medical leave for another week after the first one so I was out for a total of 11 days. I got back this week, and ever since Monday it has been radio silence from BB. I emailed BB and our boss to let them know I was back, and asked what my duties are for the week. BB's boss replied but not BB. He told me to resume my duties as they were before but I replied saying I was instructed not to contact any of the office managers or staff for any meetings. No other replies. I got one text from BB saying the last remaining duty I had I no longer needed to worry about. I replied in an email acknowledging the text and asked again if BB could give me guidance on what my duties were for the week. BB's boss said we should schedule a meeting to go over my responsibilities, and gave 3 dates/times. BB chose Friday afternoon. So until then I guess I am working but I have no instructions or guidance and no duties that I am aware of since I have been out for more than two weeks I don't know what's been done and what hasn't.
If you've gotten this far, please help me. I feel like I am being frozen out but I don't know if they are fixing to fire me, lay me off, or what is going to happen. I'm genuinely stuck on how to proceed, what I should prepare for, and so any advice is appreciated. Is what they're doing legal?