I’ve been searching for a job now for over a year. I graduated in may of 2021 and it took me my final semester plus six months of looking after graduation to find a job, and it sucked. My manager would withhold feedback from me until he could use it to hurt me. Everyone pushed me around and wouldn’t listen to anything I was saying. I was genuinely trying to help, but everyone just ignored it. Not to mention one of the directors went around bad mouthing me every single chance she could get to everyone from my fellow coworkers to the CEO of the company. I told them that I would leave, but that I was willing to help train my replacement.
I’ve been back on the job market again and I thought that this time it would be different. All I keep hearing is labour shortage, labour shortage (US) but yet the rejections keep coming in. I’ve been applying to jobs that im over qualified for even, but nothing. I’ve had a few interviews but after the first one it is clear to see that the company has either a massive problem with their relationship to their employees or that it would be the same atmosphere I am in now.
I just can’t take anymore. The stress is so unbelievably high right now and I am crumbling. I just feel more and more worthless with each rejection that comes in. It’s gotten to the point where I just feel like I’m hopeless. I’m not exceptional. I’m not talented. I don’t even know what I’m on this earth for because it seems like I can’t catch a break. Life just keeps shitting on me and I’ve had enough.
The worst part is I already live with my parents. I have to because I have to pay at least $1100 a month in student loans and that’s only going to go up when the federal ones come out of deferment. I also had to go into the emergency room because I couldn’t breathe very well and all that happened was I walked away with a $1200 bill. I feel like my head is just submerged under water and I can’t get back up.
I’m officially done at my job in fours days and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to save but it’s been so hard to do that. And I know that I need to keep looking but I don’t know if I can handle it. I’m hanging on by a very thin thread at the moment and I think I’m going to snap.
Sorry for this being a long post. I just hate this market, I hate employers and their impossible expectations, and I hate that I’m not good enough. Please be gentle. I’m not kidding when I say I’m really fragile right now.