Let me explain.
I [23 YRS OLD M] It wasn't like this before, i would be happy to go to work or just be okay with it. Even working in the toughest of jobs 8/9 hour long shifts and somehow being happy getting paid $715 AUD after tax working 5 days a week. At the beginning nor end of each of those days i was simply happy.
One day, after working for the company for almost 2 years, i decided to leave and find another job to simply try something new. One job after another i seem to always quit sooner than i thought, even leaving the job as soon as a week has passed by. Regardless if the job was do-able or not or even easy enough, i always had this anxiety for no reason. the anxiety of messing up work, even the anxiety for working in a job for too long.
Then things have come to worse. I have started seeing videos/stories of young adults like me who lived an entirely different life doing these side hustles (DayTrading, Dropshipping, Creating a business etc.) since then it has come to my attention and started doing these side hustles, but none of them had worked very well but thats not the point.
Ever since i have seen people same age as me, being successful and somehow preaching that a 9-5 job is the worst lifestyle anyone can have. Of course, a 9-5 job is neccessary otherwise how do businesses run right? But for me it suddenly hits. The feeling of dread, and hopeless that i might end up working in a 9-5 job for the rest of my life and since then everytime i come aboard of a job, i sometimes have the immediate urge to quit for no reason regardless of what the job is.
Currently, i am working in some cleaning factory, 3 days a week or sometimes 4 days a week. hours are only 18hrs per week or so and the pay is “fair” $30 per hour. the job is easy too. the easiest job in my opinion that i have experienced, but yet i still feel shitty. and now after working for 2 weeks i feel like quitting already…
Honestly Idk why, is it my sudden realization that a job in general is so shitty? Or is it the fact that i am a bit jealous of other people's lifestyle? or the current inflation and price increases in the economy? I always have this “give up” mentality when it comes to jobs.
Don't get me wrong, im not lazy or anything. I always do the best of my abilities to finish my job, im fast , can multi-task, work in a team and guide them. nothing wrong in my performance but its just the feeling that affects me mentally and i get a “little” depressed for some days but i try to shake it off by doing some workouts, try some side hustles from the money i earnt in hopes to remove that mentality but it just keeps lingering deep inside me and idk how to stop it.
Let me describe this feeling… Its like a slow motion of hopelessness and everything around you just seems dark and sad. There's no sign of any positivity and its only filled with anxiety and anger. Making you feel like a “loser” or average joe and there is a pride in me that I want to be better than most people and because of that, it seems to just get worse and worse, day by day.
am i depressed? not really. its just some feeling that comes back to me before i start work and after i finish working. it affects me in a way that disbands relationships with people, even my parents. idk im trying my way to make money other than a job. so im trying so many side hustles now. and even spending sleepless nights to find a way to create a company before my funds run low.
sometimes i ask myself, how was i happy back then? Why do i feel like this now? Maybe reality hits me so hard, and this wasn't the first time either on other aspects of my life and it just stabs me so hard.
idk guys i feel that i am in a very very dark place right now…