I'm getting this comment a lot lately from friends after my first couple of jobs went tits up.
My first job was toxic from the first day. I was being bullied by a co-worker, management took his side (as part of the bullying was constant nitpicking and undermining) and eventually I quit. I was being accused of things they couldn't back up such as working fewer hours than them (I was actually the only one to work overtime, and we had digital clock in systems where I could prove it). They also made other wild accusations quite regularly that could not be backed up. An older staff member had a habit of touching my arms and shoulders in a way that made me uncomfortable, and one time I asked her to stop she immediately went and accused me of threatening violence. It was a horrible place, and they were making my life difficult in the hopes of finding a legal path to firing me anyway.
I got a second job where I had a good manager and it was alright for a week. Then I was transferred to a supervisor that just simply didn't like me. My failures were taken as personal attacks and after trying to constantly apologise and reassure her she ended up giving me the silent treatment which lasted a month until I left. She would make personal attacks at me, saying I'm annoying and irritating, often out of nowhere. She gave me sets of contradictory and impossible instructions: e.g. one day I had three tasks. I completed all of them so she got mad because spending time on two of the tasks took time away from the third. Well yes? There's only so many hours in the day and I can't be everywhere at once.
When I finally complained about her I was fired shortly after for “being unable to deal with ambiguity at work”.
My view is that shit happens, this has been a failure and a learning experience. I'm off to do a PhD now in a field I'm passionate about. I'm looking forward to it and just from the first meetings I can tell the environment isn't going to be toxic. The students speak highly of the staff and there was a very laid back, but also enthusiastic attitude from the staff.
I'm trying to tell myself that this isn't my fault. I shouldn't be subjected to bullying and mistreatment at work. But it seems that everyone just wants to gaslight me into thinking I brought it upon myself. People tell me that it's all fine now while I don't have a family to support but really I need to learn to suck it up. A couple of friends are joking that I need to work in retail to “learn some humility”.
These friends have always worked for good teams and bosses. One of them has worked retail and it was hell but outside of that it's been fine. They've not been through even a quarter of what I had to deal with in my short time working yet they tell me I need humility? I don't think that asking for some basic respect and professionalism is a lack of humility. You want to criticise my work? Fine. Do so, I'm all ears because I just want to do a good job. You want to make personal attacks, false accusations and give me the silent treatment? Why on earth should I put up with that if I don't have to? And why is everyone so convinced that I should just suck it up?
It's crazy. I know that many people have it harder than I do and I don't want to pretend I've had the worst experience in the world. But I'm sure that nobody is putting up with any of that unless they have to. Well, at this point in life I don't have to and I choose not to. And I've decided that if I fail to find a stable, decent paying job in a non toxic work environment in the future then I'm not going to just “suck it up” for the sake of societal expectations. I won't settle down, I won't have a family and I won't have dependents or anything forcing me to stay in a bad job if I that's all that's available to me.
My own happiness and stability comes first. Being stressed out the eyeballs, hating my life and watching my mental health deteriorate dealing with daily abuse, in my opinion, is not a good thing. And even if I were able to endure all of that, what sort of person am I going to be for the other people in my life? I don't want to be an absent father or husband who is unable to fulfil my other expectations because my work is destroying me. I just won't subject myself and others to it.
God I hate society sometimes. Mad respect for anyone who successfully does what I cannot. For real. I'm just saying that I'm not cut out for it and if I can't cope with it I don't want to harm others due to my own inabilities.
“This is how the real world works” I guess.