I grew up in poverty. I now work my 40 hour weeks with no benefits and I'm barely on the poverty line. I've been trying to get a better paying job but the market here is trash and bla bla bla, you all know how the job hunt goes.
I recently applied for a job I'd actually like, no idea what the pay or benefits look like, I was just happy to find something that I might enjoy and it's not like they can pay me LESS than I'm making now. I haven't heard back but I'm optimistic about it and even though it's not really what I thought it was, it's still a step up.
I was talking to my friend about it and even though it's not like his family are the local Megabucks, he did grow up comfortable middle class and he's got a job he loves making enough money to still be pretty comfortably middle class. Happy for him.
During our conversation, I said something about how tired I was of living in a system where impoverished people have to live under the whims of the exorbitantly wealthy and it devolved into the most ridiculous conversation I think I've ever had about capitalism or the wealth gap in my entire life, which is a surprise given his general view on politics and such. I mean it was almost like he thought I DESERVED to be the bottom of the ladder so that billionaires could have whatever they wanted. He outright compared me taking this job, since I want it instead of just staying in any of the horrible jobs I've had for survival, to the mega wealthy wanting whatever they want, like yachts and shit. He acted like there was no difference between needing food, shelter, or God forbid, some small joys in life and hoarding billions of dollars or having mansions in 8 different countries. He acted like I was a hypocrite and a judgemental prick for “participating in the system” by trying to get a better job and out of financial distress and pointing out problems in the system in the meanwhile and being “judgemental” of the mega rich. Like what am I supposed to do, go live in the park? If I could take care of myself and my family AND spend my life protesting the system by not working, sure I would. But I can't.
It's just got me real fucked up. Like I expect this crap from people who it benefits but this person is my friend. What the hell? Why try to keep me down or make me feel like shit for wanting what he already has? We both went to college, both got degrees, both work our forty hours; one could even argue that each of us coming from where we did, I worked HARDER. Why the hell shouldn't I be able to live in some damn financial security? Is that too much to ask even from my friends now? Nothing I'm doing or thinking even has anything to do with him so what's his damn problem? I just feel like absolute shit and like nothing I do is ever gonna make this any better. I'm stuck on the bottom no matter what. I can't help other people because I can't help myself. I try and get a leg up and when employers aren't jerking me around or dehumanizing me, now my friend is doing it for them. I mean damn, what am I supposed to do here? I just feel so hopeless, now even more than I did before.