I feel embarrassed, terrible but also angry that I feel this way. I feel bad that I feel bad, but I also feel bad for not feeling worse.
I hate my job. It's a low paying job that has refused to give a pay raise to match inflation, but it's the only thing that fits my schedule and needs currently. They overwork, micromanage and pay us less the local McDonald's. I have been actively looking for almost 8 months now for a new job, but taking it much more seriously in the past three months.
My current job has me dealing with old bags on the phone trying to troubleshoot cellphones geared towards them. They are not only rude, but entitled and often-times dumber than a box of rocks. They have no desire to learn how processes work and get very very upset when something “easy” is now difficult. You have to treat these people as if they're less than 5 years old and you're explaining why the sky is blue.
The reason I'm sharing this today is because this same company is offering a trip to a waterpark paid by the company and the cut off date was supposed to be August 5th for getting tickets. It's the one thing I can appreciate about them; they do events such as these every year. I emailed the woman organizing the event on August 4th (Thursday). I haven't been able to survive for months without help; I have a 7 yr old son that I wanted to take to this event because being poor really cuts down on what you're able to do for fun. I also managed to get my boyfriend and his mother a ticket to the event as well.
I work Sundays and Sunday comes along. No confirmation from this woman. I reached out to confirm, she claims not to have received an email from me, I take a screenshot of the email I sent replying directly to her and send it, she says she'll “see what she can do”.
Monday arrives, I email her as a reminder; she says she's going to look into it. I then call my program manager. Tell him I need his help quick; this man has always come through for me. I explain, he says he's going to reach out.
Hours pass, I work, I get an email back from this woman and she basically says kick rocks and tells me there's no more tickets. I lose my mind. I had been planning this for weeks, hadn't told my son was going to keep it as a surprise and had gotten my bf and his mother looking forward to the event. I email her back asking what the issue was, explaining why I don't understand this as I emailed her well before the cut off date. At this point I was so angry I started losing my mind. I had really looked forward to this.
I call my program manager, and I pulled a complete Karen. The way I spoke to him is the voice I only ever used when getting into shouting matches with my abusive ex. I don't think he's ever seen that side of me. At this point, everything the company has done to me-denied me a promised raise, promised me better hours, leadership positions…micromanaged my actions, failed me on QA's where I did exactly as told to do, telling us if we're not in scheduled breaks we'll be docked pay, the mishandling of company funds coming out, being told we have to hit certain metrics to be even considered for any position at all, being borderline denied vacation that I earned, lack of communication, no support during calls….it all came rushing back in that one moment. I was asking for one thing, did everything I was supposed and told to suck shit.
I am not proud of it. I am embarrassed about it. And I even feel bad. Because it was not his fault, but this woman organizing it. If I had treated anyone else the way I had I would have been fired and I would have accepted it. I'm still wondering if they're not going to draw up some write-ups in the next few weeks. I know my PM wouldn't, because he understands what I'm going through. I threatened to not come back from lunch, this job doesn't pay me enough to stand for this crap. I told him I can go down to McD's right now and get a higher paying job working part time than I can working full time for a company that doesn't give two shits about how I haven't been grocery shopping in over two months. I keep giving this company chance after chance after chance and every time they continue to fuck me over it. He kept apologizing, told me he knew this was important to me. Told me he'd see what he could do, and to take an extra long lunch if I needed to. I was in tears over all of this, I was so angry that once again I have been thrown to the side.
But I'll be damned if I didn't get those tickets within two hours after that “conversation”. And I get an email from the woman stating that she had me down for 4 tickets and managed to get them for me. And then had the audacity to ask me for more patience in the future, how she manages different projects across the entire company, not just this site. And then sent me “<3 <3" at the end, said she hoped this made my day better.
Ma'am, I had to scream at my program manager to get anything done. At that point I'm not crying over tickets-at surface level, this behavior from me seems like such an overreaction. But this goes deeper than tickets. It goes into my denied raise. It goes into the micromanaging. It goes into the constant need for false positivity. It goes into the fact this company cares about nothing but the image they portray. It goes into cutting corners, the poor management, the fact that the customers are getting the shit end of a stick too and I'm supposed to recommend these products to them. It goes into the manipulation, the false promises and empty apologies. I have been pushed and pushed and pushed to work harder, faster, better for this company with nothing to show except debt.
I'm not crying and throwing a fit over tickets-I'm carrying on over the mismanagement, the fact that I feel stuck, forgotten, thrown to the side and as if I'm nothing but a metrics chaser. My CSAT speaks volumes more than any ACW or AHT.
I thought about calling him and apologizing. But it really occurred to me that for once, I want a real apology from one of them. I want someone to take real responsibility, to not make excuses. Call me and offer a real apology.
No matter what the result would have been today, whether I got them or not, I'm sincerely through. I don't care about this company, about its customers any longer. I barely care about metrics. I took on the most bored tone today and I think I had the best results with lack of care than I have any time I went above and beyond.
I'm going to that event with my sweet son, adoring boyfriend and his lovely mother. And then I'm through, I'm taking any job that comes my way at this point. I'm tired of this.
TLDR: I screamed at my program manager and got what I wanted. I shoved my foot up their asses and forced them to make it right.