I can’t explain it all in 3,000 characters so I’d you want more context please go to my page but you don’t have too. I’ll do my best to sum it up.
I just started a new job (my dream job). I’ve waited three years for this. The job requires me to go to different sites for weeks at a time with another coworker. I (24f) got sent on a job with another coworker(M35). We went on a few short jobs before and got along really well. He told me about his past growing up in South Korea and we exchange stories. We became friends fairly quickly but I think it’s important to add that I really wanted to fit in so I went along with some jokes that were pretty subjective.
Since knowing him (three weeks) he’s made some risky jokes about practically everyone including himself being Asian. He’s made fun of indigenous people, white people, seems to really hate Russians and Chinese people in a none joking matter. I just laugh to appear laid back and relaxed, after all we’re gonna be working together for at least two weeks. Nothing to bad, or I wouldn’t have let it slide but just poking fun at stereotypes.
I’ve brought up how I’m getting a surgery some day and when he asked why, I explained a breast reduction and he went on to joke about how I could possibly do that and it’s a shame, how my bf would be disappointed blah blah blah, he also calls me his work wife and mentions some weird things about me (again I have another post going into more detail). I was uncomfortable but took it with a grain of salt and just went along and defended why I was going too. We picked on each other a lot to and I thought we both understood it was just friendly banter
Long story short, we were finishing a movie called get hard with will Ferrell and Kevin hart. There’s a scene at the end where will Ferrell got a gang nickname and it was mayo. He was then thinking of names for Kevin harts character brainstorming chocolate and fudge etc. my co worker then said he would be nicknamed mustard. I said rice but it didn’t sound cool so I thought about my favourite sort of ramen. (Me and him have bonded over our love of ramen and he’s mentioned before how he likes Chinese food) so I thought of my favourite sorta ramen and Chinese food then just without thinking said chowmein! He then said that was racist and when I tried to explain myself it just made it worse… I even thought that my nickname would be tofu but I didn’t get the chance to say it before he got offended. I never meant to offend him.
I feel really bad but at the same time, he painted himself as the kind of guy who poked fun at everyone. I mean he even says hard R n word and stuff (which I never laugh or anything when he does) I figured if he can be like that to other cultures and make fun of his own, and in the context that was apart of the movie making jokes about racist nicknames, I wasnt trying to be serious at all. I know better than to make these jokes but I figured from all the jokes he makes and trying to fit in, I just said it without thinking. I never intended to hurt his feelings and I never want to come off racist. I just wanted him to like me. He’s the first coworker I’ve worked with so his opinion mattered to me.
Should I further explain myself and why I’m frustrated to him, try to drop it? Report to hr? I don’t know what to do.
TLDR: I accidentally said something racist to my coworker.