peace everyone!
after writing this post, i realized I say some very concerning things. content warning for suicidal ideation. but I'd also like to mention that I do have just enough hope to keep going, have a wonderful support network, and will not hesitate to hospitalize myself if that's all that'll keep me alive.
i just had to quit my job because it was burning me out so bad i was getting suicidal, and i refuse to engage with smth that does that to me. the source of the problem is currently unknown to me, but the main symptom is chronic fatigue. i use a cane, but would use a wheelchair if i could afford one.
i'm obviously disabled. i only forced myself to get this job at andy's frozen custard bc i didn't feel i had any other option. honestly, i still don't know of any healthy ones. i don't have any college degrees or other qualifications needed for a non-soul crushing job. customer service seems to be my only option. i do love people, but autism can make interacting with anyone less than the most clear and understanding people very difficult and frustrating, and that's not even mentioning the fact that sometimes I'm not comfortable speaking at all. on top of that, being called “sir” feels like a punch in the gut sometimes bc of gender dysphoria.
it really seems like the decision is between my health and having an income. my mom is willing to support me for another year or two at least, but living with her is another significant negative impact on my mental health. I'm trying not to give into despair, but I can't see a practical reason not to. I'm not expoitable enough. Capitalists have no use for me. my inherent worth as a human being won't make the capitalists share the resources i need to survive with me.
i'm not sure i'll make it through this. but by the gods, something needs to change. get to know your neighbors. unionize. organize. help those who can't help themselves, if you can. I said earlier that I can't see any practical reason not to give up. That wasn't entirely true. This movement, and movements like it, are what keep me going. It may be too late for me. But it may not be too late for others like me. Solidarity forever!