TW: suicide and self harm
Last week I was overdue with tasks, and couldn't catch up. My boss called me out on it, and said if this was a regular thing corrective action would have to be taken. I was staying late, and skipping breaks, but it still didn't feel like enough.
Over the weekend I had a fight with my boyfriend about something stupid, and it was the straw that broke the camels back. I completely broke down. I relapsed into self harming after being clean for 3 years. I couldn't get thoughts out of my head telling me to kill myself.
It hasn't really gotten better after a few days. I want to hurt myself, and I keep thinking of different ways I could kill myself. I want to reach out for help, but I work for the biggest mental health provider in my city. If I go to the ER I'll have to be evaluated by one of my coworkers. I'm so afraid that if they find out how weak I really am I'll lose my job.
I'm going to crack soon I can feel it.