I was once on track to be making large three digits being a salesman. I was number one in sales by a landslide. The executives loved me and kept telling me someday they might be working for me.
But my boss wrecked me.
He spent his days shopping online, had no clue what we were selling and continued to cause miscommunications between the team and upper management.
When I started all I wanted to do was keep my head down and make money. But being number one, all my colleagues started to push me to step up and showcase the issues we had.
I was naive.
I was labeled a troublemaker but my numbers were so high there was nothing that could be done nor did they want to but in the end what broke me was nothing was done and the realization that no one cared and I cared too much.
I warned the start up that Covid was long term when no one was talking about it and trying to warn them that remote work wasn’t going to be just two weeks. But again, they didn’t listen. I got so beat down by no one listening over so many issues I started questioning whether I was the problem.
Eventually the anxiety and list of issues with the boss got to be too much and I had a month off mental health leave only to quit.
I was so messed up in the head I failed to buy my stock options in time. So I lost a lot.
A year later other employees in other depts who left confessed how toxic my dept was and how terrible my boss was. Though at the time I was one of few who spoke up.
Now I sit in a parking lot refreshing an app constantly hoping to make more than $10 today because I can’t sell anymore and I get panic attacks talking to people.
Then just saw someone on LinkedIn post today how the company made the most money ever funded and well, tbh I’m trying not to sob as I’m already crying and wondering why I shouldn’t just off myself because I can’t find a therapist on the state insurance I have to get better. I feel so fucked.
I should have just kept my head down. I’d probably still have a job.