I cringed last night at Biden mentioning people going back to offices and downtowns.
I found out during the past year that I’m neurodivergent. Waiting for a formal diagnosis which is in itself a privilege, but in the meantime…most likely autism, with an unusual skill-scatter. I can communicate well, can speak two languages well, conversational in four (one is endangered, so I self-taught), taught myself to read Cyrillic when I was fourteen. I’m not like in Rain Man. I’m actually terrible at math.
That aside, I was always called gifted. And I test very, very well. So, I completed a law degree from a top regional school and passed the bar.
My lack of soft skills, charisma, and relative inability to network punched me in the gut when I was looking for work. I mean, like a lot of female-born neurodivergent people, I follow all the tips and rules. I copy what I see. I just seem “off”, so I got passed over a lot. Most of the issues come from eye contact and body language.
It’s nearly impossible to tell these things in remote work. For me, I get stressed in loud or bright environments. It’s hard to concentrate on actual conversation when I am focused on doing the “right” nonverbal things and reading body language as well. It’s crazy-making when they conflict, and a history of bullying and a dad with an anger problem since I was tiny makes me anxious and likely to read “not pleased/calm” as “angry! Danger! Danger!”
Due to the plague and remote work, I was able to interview entirely by phone and a very complex application and check. Basically, if I sped once, they want to know. I did not disclose my disability. Phone interviews are also fine. It seems I can either communicate well or get it right nonverbally. Not both.
Before the plague, my neurodivergence kept me in the lowest rungs of the kinds of work lawyers do. I’m just too “weird” to work with clients or fit in. On a whim in April 2020, I applied to be a contractor in my current job.
A few weeks ago, I was hired permanently. Not the highest paying work that gets promised in law school, but stable. Nearly six figures with overtime. Great for a household with two working people, like mine. Amazing insurance. Guarantees against discrimination for an LGBT family like mine. Good leave policies. The clients and coworkers like me.
Most importantly, I am able to do things the way I need to in order to be productive. I’m not worrying about social things or feeling out of place or stupid. I am so much less stressed.
In effect, the plague has given me job accommodations that allow me to move up, without making me ask for them and face discrimination.
Sorry, Biden. Not going back to the office. Not when remote work has given me so much opportunity and let me actually use my talents. Because I know if I go back, I won’t be able to mask or adapt enough to make it in my current role.