…but everything is coated in that plastic HR 'smile.'
So a little backstory. I've been unemployed for several months now. I suffer from severe depression, which as most of you know is essentially akin to a Scarlet Letter in the American job market. I also need to work part-time because my wife works full time and our young daughter is in school. Oh, and did I mention we're essentially homeless because there's nothing out there to rent and so we have to stay with family? Just throwing that out there.
Anyway, recently I applied for a part time job in Human Services after being contacted by the company's recruiter. They're pretty desperate, or so they basically implied. So first of all, I had a phone interview that lasted, oh, twenty minutes. That seemed to go well. That led to an hour-long in-person interview with the manager a few days later, which also seemed to go well. A few days after that (yesterday), I had an in-person 'site visit' that lasted about two hours.
Now, to be fair, I wasn't expected to work during this site visit, but it felt more akin to an onboarding session than an interview. The manager showed me the documentation system, how to submit expenses, etc. I'm a pretty pessimistic person–especially when it comes to employers–but I walked out yesterday feeling like this was kind of in the bag.
I should have known better.
About an hour ago I got a call from the extremely cheery HR recruiter with whom I did the phone interview. You know the drill. How's your day going? How am you doing? Oh, and also we're going with other candidates so thanks for applying, good luck in your job search!
I'm pretty devastated. I was very qualified for this position and could have hit the ground running. I jumped through all their hoops. Interviews, references, everything. All for a job that pays $16-$17 an hour. Jesus Christ. I could make that at McDonald's. But you know, I'm foolish and idealistic enough to want a job where I can do some good and not just be SUCH a cog in this disgusting capitalist system in which we're all trapped. I want to actually help people if I can.
Nope.
Did my references suck? Did they not like my availability? Did the manager think I was an asshole? I'll never know. I'm glad they didn't leave me hanging like so many employers do, but I'll never know what I did to not deserve this low-paying, relatively simple job. I have theories, but I can't change my job history or my depression issues (and how they've affected my work in the past). It's just…these people make you jump through all these hoops and prostrate yourself before their all-mighty hiring process, only to inform you in a chirpy, perky voice that you didn't make the cut. It's like they want it to hurt, and hurt bad.
I mean…I know I'm a failure, professionally speaking. And I'm not at the point quite yet where I can take pride in that because I know we live in a system where workers truly don't matter. Yes, we're not indispensable. We're all literally 'human resources.'
But this hurts. Sorry if this isn't the place to vent over this, but I just…I give up. I've given years and years of my life to employers, and here I am in my early 40s with a young child COMPLETELY UNABLE to get a respectable job.
I give up. They win. I'm nothing.