Last year I suddenly lost my youngest nephew. He was 17 months old and one of the most important things in the world to me, along with my niece and other nephews. It was an accidental and violent death at my parents house. My mother was responsible and it was witnessed by most of my family, including my other nephews(who were the older brothers to my nephew who died). They all have ptsd and it has been the most devastating time of my family’s and my life.
I am a landscape gardener and right after the accident by boss said all the right things you should say when something like this happens. “Take however much time you need” “You have support from me” “whatever you need to do, do it”. She acted as though she would be there for me in any way she could as a boss.
I decided to take two full weeks off to help take care of the children and my parents. Then for the next 6 months I drove two hours south almost every weekend to help out. I really thought my boss meant what she said. After those two weeks off I really thought she would throw me at least one week’s pay to help me out. With all the shock and distress of what was happening, you’d have to be a heartless boss to add financial stress to the situation. I kept waiting. I thought for sure she’d just throw me a little something to help get me through. I have a mortgage and payments and all this time off and traveling while being in shock and grieving, who wouldn’t help out?
Nothing. I really don’t know what she meant by offering support to me now that I look back because nothing was given. I couldn’t believe it. I took the job for her because she posed herself as a progressive and open minded boss. She was after me to work for her for two years and I’d finally said yes. I thought she would treat me well.
For the following months I was absolutely exhausted and dazed from everything. I would ask her to put me on the easier jobs but I always ended up on the more physically demanding jobs. I was the most experienced person on the crew and she didn’t care what physical or mental shape I was in. She pushed me and pushed me. Every day I felt like I could collapse.
There’s no law in my state that an employer has to pay for bereavement. I don’t care, it’s absolutely heartless and I don’t want to work for someone like that. I felt betrayed.
Because of that betrayal I decided enough is enough and I took the winter to start my own landscaping business. It’s been difficult but now I work for myself doing less hours for more pay, and I can visit with my family whenever I want.
To anyone out there who has been treated poorly at work due to grieving, I am so sorry you’ve had to go through that. To be grieving is shamed in capitalism. There’s no work value in it, therefore it’s just something “you have to move past” and it’s happening all the time.