I’m caught between “if it costs you your peace it’s too damn expensive” and “yeah but I’ll learn so much”. I was offered a job across the country from where I grew up in spring with a start date in summer. I accepted as it was a great opportunity. When I finally got there though the person I was supposed to be working under retired and no one told me. I was still working with his team but without a replacement (which we still don’t have 3 months later) we weren’t able to do much. It was here that I started to get nervous, even more so as I realized 2 things 1) everyone here had a “work is life/be grateful you have a job or get tossed” mentality and 2) the entire office was still on a paper system which I had NEVER been trained on because it’s fucking 2022 and we have computers for this shit. The culture here is shit. Everyone is out for themselves. There’s monthly and yearly peer reviews that basically insist on saying something bad about everyone and no one holds back. And because we didn’t have a boss and weren’t really doing much, I never got trained. I’ve repeatedly gotten into trouble – sorry I mean I’ve been “coached” – on things that are a direct result of my lack of training. And the answer is always “well you should put yourself out there more so people can know your looking for training” or “you need to learn to take accountability for these things”. Am I crazy to think that they should actually just be training me instead of me asking for training every step of the way? People are awful to ask questions of, I constantly feel like I’m either going insane or like I’m worthless and a failure despite never having been set up for success.
I’m so tired.
Regardless, the work we do here is really interesting and this team is internationally renowned as the best of the best. I want to learn and once we actually get going and have a replacement brought in I know the learning opportunities will be endless but fuck me I don’t know if I can hold out that long…
Help