I don't know why I feel this way all the fucking time. I have covid and itsucks. I've had it for nearly 2 weeks now and the symptoms aren't getting any better.
All up, I've had 2 days off work and already feel like I'm pushing my luck. I've been told before thst I can't really take time off in this job because of thr workload and expectations so I've been working from home.
It's deeply ingrained in me to care about things I'm invested in. And for some reason I don't really understand, I'm invested in this job. I hate that I care what they think and what their perception of me is, but I feel like I'm letting everyone down and pushing my work onto them when I take time off. That just results in me feeling guilty and I come back to work before I should.
I try to justify it and tell them stuff I regret later. Today I was feeling so shut, I cried at my boss and left at lunchtime.
I'm tempted to take tomorrow off and give myself the weekend to recover, but know I'll feel guilty. I hate it. How do I just not give a shit? How do I put myself first and be ok with that??
My brain is foggy and I just want to understand why I'm like this so I can stop.