Frankly I am writing this more for myself than anyone else. Selfish I know.
I believe I posted earlier about my job earlier. One that pays well enough but honestly is a drain on my soul as I feel no pride or happiness from it. Well I still have it. Been applying to game dev jobs, programmer jobs, network engineer jobs, the list goes on. Even jobs that I may not be fully equipped for just for a chance to be a game developer. Selfish I know, I am just lowering the odds of someone actually equipped for the job being noticed in the search but I am desperate.
Rejection after rejection its likely around 300-350 count at this point. Honestly the rejection after I get a take home test or some assessment hit me the hardest. Like at that point it just reinforces the feeling I am not good enough to be given the chance to learn with some guidance. But once again, that's me being selfish. Plenty of people learn this stuff without needing guidance or being paid while they are learning. Juggle it alongside a full 9 hour a day job and family drama and they do fine. So its just me being selfish to want that opportunity.
And now, there's a wave of 7,500 workers from twitter alone that are all highly skilled, desirable, and well equipped for the job added to the job pool. I feel bad for them losing their job but the simple logistics aren't lost on me. That's 7,500 people who in the eyes of a recruiter are better than me now vying for those positions. Selfish of me to let that fact make me feel bad for my situation when they are suffering more, I know.
Think of just admitting to myself I won't get a game dev job that pays enough to live.
Pardon my rant. It doesn't add anything to this sub. It isn't a case to be angry at anyone, something uplifting or funny. Just me getting something off my chest.
Pardon the numerous errors in the post. I am depressed and didn't check. Think the stress has done something to me, sometimes I mix up words when typing.