i got another job after quitting starbucks, a job that made me want to literally off myself, at a hibachi place in my town. i’m making okay money and i can deal with the stress but only because i’m still riding the high from not having to work at starbucks anymore , and so my mental health is good overall. i am autistic and have really awful anxiety and i’ve had a few anxious episodes at work but none that i couldn’t get over. mostly involving confusion due to miscommunication with my manager. (this table wants their veggies remade, table changes their mind and manager doesn’t tell me, i bring the table veggies they don’t want, table is bothered and i get anxious about getting bad tip, things like that) but today i’m having an especially bad day, i get some peoples tickets messed up, need his help to fix it, he says i can do it by myself so
i run around trying to fix it myself only to realize i actually did need his help, meanwhile i have customers who need refills and to go boxes and tickets and they’re all getting antsy and my likelihood of getting a good tip is decreasing just because my manager won’t help me. (tips are essentially my whole income) i get visibly upset and ask why nobody listens to me when i speak, he gives me a whole list of reasons why it’s my fault and not his, won’t accept any responsibility even though ive told him he’s bad at communicating and it bothers me, nothing is ever his fault. so i say “oh, i guess everything is my fault all the time! just all my fault!” and this old ass white man calls me “young lady” and tells me we can talk about it i. his office. i knew if i came to him and told him about genuine concerns, he’d pin everything on me, and how can any sort of working conditions improve that way? so, i walked out, went home, saw that he deleted my shifts on the scheduling app, and that was that. this manager seemed so supportive of me and my disability in the beginning. it was all a lie. am i supposed to keep living this miserable cycle for the rest of my life?