I've just stopped giving a fuck.
I work and study in a trade school where we do mechanic work and welding. I hate this job so much because I don't like working with my hands, I never did. I grew up being a weird, awkward bookworm nerd during highschool who couldnt even pass his PE classes, I can't deal with all of this heavy work now.
My clumsy, weak and absentminded nature, along with my lack of interest in anything manual like fixing or building things has made this job impossible for me to enjoy.
I've gotten told multiple times already to “stick with it” but the longer I work here the worse my mental health gets, and one day I may end up dead.
I use alcohol to cope, meds, but nothing really helps. Everything has lost enjoyment for me.
I don't really see a way out. If I leave this job I will end up unemployed with no skills. If I stick with it I will end up dead or severely mentally ill.
But I don't give a fuck anymore. I refuse to go to work I'm sick of it. I don't want to risk my life anymore with this job even if I may end up homeless because of it.