Background information :
I (24 F) work in a preschool. It’s a small company. The owner is an older lady in her 70’s, and the office is run by two women who happen to be BFF’s. I was originally an aide, but the lead teacher quit in November and they asked me to take over. When I was the aide, I was making $10/hr. Now, I make $12.50. No benefits whatsoever. We don’t even have direct deposit which is super annoying.
I got an aid shortly after I moved up. Things were great for the most part. She was absolutely amazing and helped me a ton. Couple months later, a lead teacher was let go. So, now they needed someone to cover that room and they offered it to my aide, and she took it. I don’t blame her as it is more money and a better position.
Now here’s the issue:
Now, I am alone with anywhere from 7-10 three year olds at a time. I can’t go to the bathroom, art closet, snack closet, first aid kit, etc without having to call down to the office and ask for help. In the ideal world, this wouldn’t be an issue. however the office staff makes me feel like a burden every time I call down to ask for help.
My students are not getting the education they deserve because I am only one person and there can be at most 10 of them. I can’t dedicate time to teach and do crafts/worksheets when I’m constantly getting up and redirecting behavior, helping them in the bathroom, cleaning up , and so on. Most of my students show major behavioral problems and are extremely defiant and aggressive. The parents are no help and most shrug their shoulders when I express my concerns with their child’s behavior. I also have a few students who I have developmental concerns for and this can be difficult to manage as well.
My depression and anxiety has sky rocketed since I’ve been alone. I feel like I am a terrible teacher. I’m also a full time student pursuing my Bachelors in Elementary Education . My school requires me to spend at least 60 hours in an elementary school each semester. Meaning I have to take time off work to go get my hours.
My co-workers resent me for being out. Other lead teachers don’t appreciate that their aides are being pulled 1-2 times a week to cover my classroom and the aides don’t like covering my room because of the behavior. Every time I call down for help the office tells me they are “busy” yet when I do get a rare bathroom break , I can see that they are just in their office chatting and on their phones. I’ve reached my breaking point. They’ve shown me time and time again that my concerns and needs don’t matter to them.
I recently asked for a raise since I am basically doing the work of an aide AND a lead. I expressed my stress levels and my declining mental health to the owner. I also explained to her that with my current income I have ~$100 left over a month. She told me she couldn’t afford to give me a raise AND pay for more people to come work for her. She admitted to offering more money per hour to new hires than what her current employers are making. How is that even fair? I know for a fact one of the floating aids is making more $ than me since she left her paystub wide open on the counter.
Also, when I expressed my mental health and physical health concerns, my boss suggested I “go to the gym” and “try yoga”. I have an ongoing list of medical problems, such as insomnia, depression, anxiety, IBS ( which is super fun since I can’t leave my room to use the bathroom ) and possible fibromyalgia ( still working on this with my drs). I’ve also have had covid TWICE and still don’t feel like I’ve completely recovered and doctors don’t take me seriously.
I feel guilty for wanting to leave this job. I love my kids even though they drive me crazy. I feel this strange sense of loyalty to my boss even though it seems like she doesn’t care about me. I don’t know what to do. I recently had another opportunity present itself and I am waiting to hear from the company’s HR department. It will definitely be more money but it’s only part time. This may help me with creating a work / school / life balance though.
I’m sorry this is all over the place. I just needed a space to get my thoughts and frustrations out. Any advice on how to get over this guilty feeling would be greatly appreciated.