So here is some background information. I am from an affluent family in a developing country called Malaysia. P.S the work culture here is toxic just like any Asian country. My father was born poor and worked his way up society doing business in the auto industry. He is currently in his mid 40s, he still manages his business but mostly online. He spends most of his time managing his business through phone, playing golf, drinking with friends and biking across town. He rarely returns to his company headquarters for work, only occasionally to do a check-up.
Naturally, from his point of view, he believes in a full meritocracy for anyone who is smart and works hard enough. I am new to this subreddit. However we here all know that hard work does not necessarily pay off and for most it never does.
I have argued with him many times about work life balance and higher pay for workers. He has called me too lazy to contribute to society. Though what made me decide to write this post is when he called me selfish. He said I am selfish for not wanting to work like hell and believing people should have work life balance and use their allocated time off for things other than work.
He believes that the key to success to work very hard in your youth 20-30s and to use the experience you gained from working hard to start your own business and be rich. His definition of “working hard” is having 60 hour workweeks, doing overtime everyday and free time in your youth being mostly reserved for dinner and sleep.
If you were to use whatever free time you have from this rigid work schedule to rest, pursue your hobbies or anything non-work related, he would say that you are wasting your time. He says you are being lazy for using your time off work to do things other than making money in your youth.
He hates the idea of workers negotiating for higher pay and more work life balance. Workers should just work without complaining and look to contribute to the company they are working in since it is the company that pays for their livelihood, according to him. “Young people these days just want more money whilst working less hours. Back in those days, I used to work X amount of hours” he muttered.
He looks down on people from Western developed countries except America. The reason being that their people take long holidays, work lesser hours for higher pay and have the union power to negotiate for better working conditions. “All these white people are lazy. Look at them, so inefficient. They'll always be poor” is something he says all the time. This is because businesses and customer support in Europe are mostly closed on Saturdays and Sundays when we visited.
He states that a true selfless man should look to make lots of money through the above mentioned methods and to be fully self-sustaining to pay for his own family without government help. I have stated that I would try to use government child support to help in raising my own child in the future, he of course predictably said “Why would you need government help when you can do it yourself, so it is the lazy type of people like you who need government help.” I assume from this that he looks down on everyone who benefits from government social programmes.
He finally calls me selfish because I am not willing to sink 60 hours a week into working and taking minimal time off in my youth. This is because he believes I will live a very “normal” life and that I would not be able to pay for a good rich lifestyle for my future family just like he has for us. This is true. I intend to have my child grow up in Germany if possible to avoid them having to go through this toxic culture growing up and I wouldn't have to pay hundreds of thousands to give my children higher education. (Higher education costs a lot relative to average salaries in Malaysia)
Credit where its due, he is a hardworking and smart man. He has done a lot of us and we wouldn't even be where we are today without him. He pays 10k USD every year for my private school and affords to buy us many luxuries like annual holidays to Europe before COVID, expensive brand items etc. I am also soon to study in Germany which he would be covering in full so I would not have any student debt like most people. Ultimately he says it is my life and that I am free to choose what to do with it. However its quite clear that he looks down on me for not being like him.
What do you all think of this? I hold firm to my beliefs, that is that everyone should be entitled to happiness, financial security and work life balance regardless of social status as long as they are willing to work for any job. No one should be forced to work like slaves if they don't want to. But I can't help but feel my dad's arguments present some reason. Thanks for reading!