This is a long one so strap in bois.
I was diagnosed with ADHD some years ago and have been taking medication for it for about four years now. I was very relieved to receive my diagnosis and medication because it felt like I could finally be on a level playing field as everyone else, and function like an actual adult.
The thing is though, that my medication kills every part of me that is incompatible with being productive; parts of me that I love. The part of me that gets really excited and passionate about a thing that I love, the part of me that’s creative and also a little all over the place. On the one hand, I berate myself for having ADHD and not being able to “function properly”. But on the other hand I know that I am an extremely hard worker when it’s work that I value and enjoy. I can spend hours of my life painstakingly creating something for people that I love, and these are the things that leave me feeling the most fulfilled despite the lack of financial reward or “compensation”.
Side note: Even the fact that employers often use the words “salary” and “financial compensation” interchangeably. A compensation is typically given in recognition of a loss of some kind, and if that isn’t a massive indicator for the fact the we are LOSING years of our lives spending them working to make a few people richer, then I don’t know what is.
I am an artist at heart, and my ADHD has never been an obstacle to my creativity, in fact I think it often contributes to that creative process. But despite some of my art taking me weeks to learn and perfect, I still feel unproductive because i was making art instead of studying or sending out countless job applications or using my free time to do projects that embellish my GitHub and LinkedIn profiles. My art takes time, practice, patience, resilience. It puts smiles on peoples faces, makes my loved ones feel special, provides a sense of community to myself and others, and brings me joy and fulfillment, but somehow it’s still not seen as work because I don’t make much money from it, and hence it’s not financially productive.
My partner also has ADHD (even more severe than mine in some cases), but luckily for him, Physics/Engineering is to him as art is to me. He’s never had to take any meds for ADHD because the activities he enjoys are financially lucrative, I mean this guy builds computers for fun and is currently trying to develop his own operating system.
All of this to say that having ADHD does not mean I’m lazy or that I don’t want to work. In fact I love to work and can be very good at it. But our society doesn’t place much value on the kind of work that brings me joy and fulfillment, and so I have to nullify that part of myself so I can do “more valuable” work that puts food on the table. I have to keep reminding myself that I have value and self-worth, regardless of how low I am on the corporate ladder.