This last job I had has really affected my self esteem. It may sound stupid, but I'm autistic and I struggle in lots of different work environments. I thought I was doing well, learning the ropes ect. Then I got fired.
They hired me cheap back in November. I let them pay me well under market average because this was a new skill set of mine and I knew I'd need at least 12 months of training to be where I needed to be.
I was really honest about that in the interview, said my experience is in a related side of the industry, I have minimal experience in the role they wanted. Seemed really excited to hire me, brought me on, and said 1st priority was getting me settled in, then we'd do training.
As soon as I walked in I had lots of ideas and my manager was implementing them all over the place. IT was on board, so was Marketing. If I had an idea I was told to green light it effective immediately.
3 weeks in I hadn't had any training yet but I assumed it was because I joined the company at a really hectic time. In my 1st week there was panic about profits being low, investors pulling out and the company dying. That really set the tone for my time there I think. So I would help out in every way I could, even of it wasn't in my job description, but I was upfront that my knowledge was limited.
My first disciplinary came at week 5. Someone in another department didn't have proof of an invoice I'd sent out. I hadn't been told to send copies of the invoice anywhere, I got it from finance and sent it directly to the client. I had proof I'd sent It, but the disciplinary stayed.
Disciplinary 2 and 3 came 2 days later for not attending a meeting I wasn't invited to (It was on Google planner, I had an email saying the meeting was cancelled at 8am and another one at 9.15 that it was back on and in 40 minutes. I missed the second email and the event wasn't updated on Google Planner) and for asking too many questions from my manager. She told me to ask those questions of the other people in my team, who never seemed to understand wtf I was talking about.
By week 6 I had been fired.Told it was because I made too many mistakes, was an inefficiency in the company and didn't fit in. In my official “you're fired” email, they listed not sending the invoice as an example of mistakes of made, even though I demonstrated to my manager that I had sent it out the day I was initially accused. They had hired someone else 2 days before and I assume she was my replacement, though weeks before I'd been told we would be working together. They still had all the things I had implemented running. They were still working on a project had started. They just didn't want me anymore.
Since then, I've taken on smaller freelance roles. My friends don't blame me for losing the job and my partner just thinks I'm not cut out for the corporate world. And that's fine, I'm happy working for myself part time and being a housewife. I'm thankful my partner is great at playing capitalist and doesn't care that I'm not.
Even still, I feel hurt and angry. I'm not sure if it's reasonable or not. When I share this experience with my friends they come at it from the sympathetic angle for me, and I feel like they think it's a shame I'm autistic and don't understand how to hold down a job, but I just don't feel like that's the truth. Maybe I'm in denial and can't see anything bad in myself.
It's effecting my self worth and my self esteem. This is the first time I've ever considered that maybe corporate work isn't right for me. I keep dwelling on the things my manager told me, that I “don't fit in” even though everyone seemed to like me, that I was an “inefficiency in the company” even though I hadn't gotten any training in my whole time there.
I know work is bullshit, but I want to know for sure who won't sugarcoat the truth, was this my fault?