TW: Self-harm & suicidal thoughts
Like full on, fetal position, crying uncontrollably in the break room kind of breakdown. After I calmed down I clocked out and just left in the middle of my shift.
I work at a gas station as a pump jockey or whatever you want to call it. It's not difficult work by any means, but the mental strain gets to be a lot, y'know? I have to juggle the gas pumps and propane and working the register (when required) and cleaning inside and outside. It's a lot to put on one guy.
It got to the point where I was hurting myself and imagining killing myself in my boss' office. I've come a long way with my depression and mental health, but this job just brings all the bad things back and I don't know why.
It isn't supposed to be like this, but between the company lean-staffing all the stores and our location having 2 people quit recently it's been only me, for 8.5 hours a day, every day for weeks. The days where we actually have coverage are as few and far between as they've ever been. My boss has had a stack of applications on his desk for the entire week but he refuses to look at them.
Anyway, yeah. I cracked. It got to be too much. Everything just hit me all at once, the dehumanizing way the customers treat me, the dehumanizing way my boss treats me, the fact that I'm paid as little as legally possible, the fact that I'm wasting my 20s on a job that causes me this much mental strain, I just couldn't do it anymore and I left.
Worst of all though, I know I'm probably going to have to go back to work on Thursday (after my “weekend”) because I have no fallback or safety net. I'm probably going to end up in the hospital.
I have a job interview today and I hope it goes well, but I have a bad habit of getting my hopes up and getting really disappointed.
Anyway, sorry. I needed to get this off my chest and this is the only applicable sub I could really think of. Mental health is no joke, if your job is causing you this much mental strain, please get out if you're able. Take care of yourselves <3