I don't know if rants are allowed here, I'll know if this post gets removed.
I'm just really frustrated with my predicament right now.
2019: I did an internship for 6 months and it was unpaid. I was fine with this because I know that interns don't get paid in my field.
2021: I started with the same employer in a different firm because I was given the impression that in two months I'd be hired/paid. Four months pass and I don't get paid. My parents told me I should quit and I shouldn't be fine with not being paid. Problem is I have really bad imposter syndrome (adhd) and I didn't think i was doing a lot of work there. Most days no one came to work and they'd work frome home so I'd just sit there from 9 to 5.
I finally got the courage to tell my boss I want to get paid and he said he was under the impression I was supposed to be paid a month ago. The person in charge of the pay kept dodging me when I asked him about being paid and he'd say “how much do you want us to pay you?” When id ask. I said I just want to save some money so in a year I can lease a car, and he goes “you're not gonna get paid that much.”
That was sort of the breaking point for me and I quit. That boss of mine was sort of mad that I quit and went to another firm. He told me through someone else that they were paying me why didn't you work for them? Even though I was supposed to be compensated for two months I still haven't been paid from that place.
2022: i interned for two months. Did a lot of work here. The boss's right hand man told me that I'd have an interview and I'd be considered for a permanent position at their firm. A few days later the boss tells me my internship is ending and I need more experience, completely ignoring that I was offered an interview at all.
I did get paid from that place though and I'm really grateful for that. I'm saving that money so that I can spend it gradually.
Now I have another internship starting in May. The process is that I need to apply to the bar council through a senior lawyer and work with them for six months, once this period ends I can finally get my license. What frustrates me is that most firms (with the exception of that one firm) don't pay their interns, especially if they don't have a license. I'm just wondering if I'm going to be able to work there for that long.
I dont mind being given work, I mind how so many of my seniors taunt me or make me feel small for not knowing things. Everyone keeps saying I need experience but how am I supposed to get experience if no one is working with me? At my previous firm they'd say things like “you're going to want to cry with how much work we give you” and this is something so many people have said to me it scares me. I don't want to be miserable at my job and I don't want to be yelled at for not being able to do something perfectly, but I keep getting told these things which makes me wonder if working means getting berated by your superiors all day.