I worked at a gas station before covid, but didn't feel it was worth dying for, so I left and went back to uni, only to discover I'm autistic and school was kicking my ass so I dropped out of my program because I was refused a diagnosis and couldn't get accommodations. Now I can't find a job and I don't qualify for government assistance because I live with my boyfriend and he has a job. So I'm forced to rely on him financially, which is making me feel terrible and putting a lot of strain on our relationship.
I live in a tiny and isolated community in Canada. The only jobs that would hire me are part time, don't pay enough to cover my gas just to get there, and make me miserable because customers suck, management always sucks, and I'd honestly rather die than go back to retail. I am out of options here.
Our capitalist society is so broken. We were never meant to live this way, working our asses off to hardly get by and not be able to enjoy life. I'm so sad and angry about the situation I'm in. I set up a website to sell prints of my photos, but I've hardly made any sales so far, so I can't even manage to start my own business. I'm trying, but nothing I try helps. I feel so bitter about it all. I'm so so sad. I feel like I've wasted the last several years trying to scramble to make something of myself only to be digging myself into a deeper hole. I've got nothing to show for all my hard work except for student loans I can't even pay off.
Our system is designed to keep poor people poor. We are truly helpless victims of capitalism. I just wanna do my photography and hang out with my dogs and enjoy being alive, but I don't feel like I can do that with the way things are right now. I really, really hope things get better some day.