I‘m in my late 30‘s, suffer from on and off depression and anxiety which sometimes leaves me suicidal. I work as a designer, or try to. I‘ve now been fired twice while several years into jobs, once shifted onto furlough once the pandemic hit then offered a settlement to leave, and most recently failed my probation period at my latest job.
I love what I do, I want to work, I put everything I can into the jobs I get. But the mental illness always crops up eventually and my performance dips. Once this happens, whether I‘ve told my employer about my illness or not, they always end up letting me go.
I‘m getting too old to keep going through this cycle. No employer will ever stick with me through the bad times, even though they always pass.
I don’t know what to do any more, I don’t come from wealth so working is the only way I can support myself. But the current system isn’t set up to function for people like me, so they don’t want me.
What the fuck am I supposed to do??