I'm a guy with a lot of potential. I'm not bragging, but I definitely had plenty of opportunities to win in life and be extremely successful with financial freedom. Early on 10 years ago, I saw patterns that repeated themselves. A cycle of attention and a cycle of rage. A pendulum from one direction to another. I see more than the average eye sees. The beauty of resources like money and the abuse it contains in today's society.
A little background about myself currently. I live in a house that belongs to my parents. My parents make easily over 150k per year gross income and live in what is considered a 1% household in American housing. I still live in their home, because I knew the day would come when people realized the nothing workers are getting.
I was a bright kid when I was young. Very talented in the art of confrontation and I could convince my mother to give me $20 for cleaning the kitchen instead of $5. She's still impressed by my level of influence by words and my way of speech. I would often debate my parents from ages 6-10 about religion, politics, philosophy, and business ideas.
I'm elementary school, my dad taught me negative numbers in 1st grade. I loved math so much I'd teach my friends negative numbers. Then, they get excited and they taught others negative numbers. Then, people got confused about the rules of negative numbers. So, I'd visit the parties who were told my teaching wrong and I'd ask who told you this method? Then, I'd eventually find the root of the problem. And I'd adjust their understanding to the correct one. The correct being that negative goes backwards and has a minus sign in front. Though teaching someone who already understands is much different than teaching someone who hasn't heard it or understood it. One day, I got notice by my 1st grade teacher when she pulled me out of class one day. She said to me that if I were to continue teaching my students negative numbers during class I would get detention or expelled. I tried reasoning with her saying I wouldn't be doing any teaching during class when she was speaking ever again and I didn't mean to interrupt her discussion. I just wanted to be excited about learning. I pleased with her that if any other students were teaching negative numbers after me punish them. And I also offered her I could share that with the class. I would tell them that if there was anyone teaching when she was talking, we'd all get in trouble.
End of elementary school, I was required by law to take medication every day by my parents, psychiatrists, and people around me. I didn't trust it, but I eventually gave in and allowed my life to be ruined by it. I didn't escape it until 15 years later and I'm 26. In between 4th and 5th grade, I started taking medication, but I didn't properly take any prescription drugs consistently until 6th grade. During 5th grade, I was in a special needs class. A few months later, my teacher required me to get in a class without special needs, because I didn't need it and she said it was slowing me down more than helping me. I knew it was the medication and chemicals invested in my brain. I often would find a new hobby to be invested in and master it in months.
In middle school, my mind was being heavily corrupted and I knew it. I was slowing down mentally. I was diagnosed with bipolar, but taking dosages of a more intense diagnosis. The medication I was taking was an antidepressant, but I was being treated with a medication called Abilify at 15-25mg. I would often participate in answering questions in math class until I was told to stop answering by the teacher and it was an every day thing. I took an IQ test in 7th grade right before crying about how much of a failure I felt like because I used the same wrong method to get an incorrect answer a few days ago in class. I was depressed and also emotionally confused as the teacher testing me was very attractive to me. She pulled me aside and I asked if I was in trouble. She replied no. I continually asked questions to figure out where I was going and if it was safe or legal for us to go to wherever we were going. She said just be quiet. So, I did. Then, we entered the room and I took the test in English, Social Math, and Written Math. I received scores of 145, 155, and 160. Not necessarily corresponding to the order of tests. A hormonal, depressed, and misdiagnosed 11 year old kid got scores most would wish to. Though, that wasn't enough for me. See, I know things most don't.
In high school, I had dreams of being a business man. I thought I could get a job while staying at my parents and convince them to hold me with no expenses until I could buy a house up front. I had big dreams to expand my income to save money for a few years then get a house thus avoiding mortgage to be debt free of anything. I realized that mortgage was a horrible method to American society. It's called a loan, but I called it 2nd hand slavery. Slavery in America pre-1900s was an awful thing, but I questioned how though I could never imagine the tragedy of those who directly had to be enslaved, be in families that knew people who were in the segregation period in America, and directly be in segregation then or now, it is portrayed so lightly? How death is given more attention than slavery and torture? I found it was that torture is worse than death. Death there is a burst of pain and it's no more. Slavery and torture is a constant impulse of chemicals that you or outside forces produce for you to feel nothing. I found out that nothing is worse than worst. That being sentenced forever in jail is worse than of the death sentence due to the pain over time. With no pain, there's no worries and no danger. Pain is actually a good thing that it shares a response to your brain that there is danger to the body and seems resources to help the pained location. Again I pushed harder and found it wasn't just a coincidence. Or a history lesson.
My understandings were that businesses do this on purpose. Whether the CEOs and big company owners realize it or not, there is corruption more than what is seen. From hair products to the food we eat. It's all psychological. Shampoo has been proven to be psychological and does not actually provide lucious hair in the commercial or actually make you smell nicer. There are tons of videos of people testing it out who just stop shampooing for a experimental trial. A guy I watched didn't shampoo 2 years and his hair stylist never found out. And she even complimented his hair and it's smoothness. McDonald's for a while didn't have to provide calories in their meals. But now they are required, but the calories don't have to be specifically correct every McDonald's sandwich. And don't have to contain less important vitamins and minerals until Michelle Obama. Don't quote me on this, but I believe even that restriction on healthy levels of vitamin and minerals in restaurants had been removed by legislation or the Trump administration. Another example of psychological programming is the tv. Thing is none of these mean the government is after us. I don't believe they are purposely doing malicious activity to harm society. Nor do I think businesses care about you. They don't. They never cared for you. They cared for two things. Your work and your apathy. If you are comfortable getting $10, they will pay you just that. If you require more they will do everything to make sure you don't even to lengths as fire you. Because sadly there are more apathetic people than working people.
Then, I graduated in 2014. I barely passed high school, because my medicine was tearing me apart. During senior year, I lost desire to my high hopes I once had and rejected my wishes to be wealthy or rich. I wanted normalcy. I started community college and dropped out after 6 months. I could feel something boiling. I went to work at a greenhouse. I loved trees. The balance of nature and the relationship between a garden and human interaction always intrigued me. Then, I quit. I found myself in an addiction. I fell in love with Minecraft and I wanted to be s Minecraft YouTuber and streamer. So, the natural thing is to quit my job and invest all my time into that. Lol.
I was naive, but I found out I was addicted at 19 so I could stop it real fast. But I didn't. I wasn't freed until I was 25. From age 19-25, my medicine was attacking me. I went through 15 jobs, many singular day jobs, and my depression worsened. I lost friends faster than I could keep them. I was alone and invested more time into isolation with my computer than into any chances of making friends irl because the energy it took to try to keep a friend wasn't worth the emotional toll. My parents are abundantly kind, but quickly hated me and judged me because I'd prefer finding the love I need first then get a job. Though years ago thought of me as a future world changer. Now, they beg me to get out of the house and do a job I hate to just move on in life. The thing is my addiction and my medication was a hard fought battle in high school with homework. So, after I graduated I knew life's beginning. Responsibility is increasing. I kept focus on doing everything I could to get rid of my computer. I thought it I just get rid of all of it, I won't be tempted. So, I sold my computer. I threw away my computers from ranges $500 to $1000 and tried to get a job. I tried brute forcing my way to enjoying other things so I'd throw my computer away and try filling it up with friends and going cold turkey on it. When I was 23, the real cause of my issue almost killed me. I had an influx of chemicals pressed into my body. Passed out for 3 days. And I woke up in the hospital. I asked if I was in heaven to the doctor? She replied “No, but if we are in heaven, I ain't getting paid enough”.
The real issue was me. I attempted suicide in November 2021 and took the entire bottle of pills of 25mg Abilify pills. Like an ocean of chemicals entering my system. I was sure it was the end. I looked in the mirror and thought this was the last time that I'd see myself. I was faithful to my religion so I thought tomorrow I'd be in paradise. Everything felt so meaningless to me. I was numb to my sadness. I couldn't cry at funerals and would cry more when I listened to happy music because I thought it was beautiful. This was all coming to a close. No amount of my endurance could last. Then, as I was staring at my mirror, lightning hit my veins. My eyes locked on my reflection's eyes. A voice of authority said in my head (not audible in my ears) to me “I'm not done with you, yet. You're too valuable. I love you.” and I told myself it didn't matter and I should go to sleep. It was probably just my stupidity or evil spirits talking to me. My desire to die was so strong that I thought my death would have been hard for my family, but they would've easily moved on. That it was better for me to die and cause them a little burden. Then for me to live and always be a burden. That my family would forget. But the voice kept speaking and I kept trying to shut it out. Then, I cried and I haven't cried in years at this point. I hadn't cried so much that I wanted to cry, so I tried to find reasons to cry. Then, I'd know what I'm feeling and not suppress my emotions. I called the abundance after a discussion with my parents. I was taken to the hospital and mental institute. Found my way out of the ward after 2 weeks which is longer than average in every mental institution I've been in. And the wards that are averaging months of hospitalization are post-mental ward institutions meaning you'd have to go to the ward first and ask to stay longer for months.
I've been to one post-mental ward in my second visit, but I decided to AMA due to my inability to use otc medications. Because mental wards and post mental wards have psychiatrists. Every psychiatrist HAS TO follow certain rules and regulations. They cannot give you otc medicine. So, I chose to AMA meaning I could fill an application saying my medical needs were not met. That was the only time I ever AMA'd out of a hospital. I went through the full examination process in the 2 hospitals in 2019. And the full one in 2021 though I wasn't ill. That visit I was unfairly admitted and was released. The people who requested to the state magistrate that I was mentally unsafe and needed examination then after the 2 week examination said it was unfair and would never do that. And those people said they didn't care that I had trauma for 3 months straight at that point. They said that's exactly why I should go to the hospital to get checked. They said the reasons I should go to the hospital was because “I made funny or weird faces” and “I was too intense” sometimes. Should you listen to your doctor? Yes. Ask every question you can with no worries if judgement. If you feel uncomfortable the the doctors might be subtly disrespecting you with your pains, find a new one.
In 2021, I found a medication that I was sure worked for me. And it did. But my parents, psychiatrists, and people around me were convinced I should always take medication every day exactly as the doctors prescribe and make sure there were no accidentally double dosage or even worse missing doses. So, I researched this medication that a friend recommended to me for 2 months or research. Parents and doctors still doubting and changing their story. One day, my psychiatrist said I'd be crippled or heavily injured in my heart by taking this otc medicine which was as cheap as $10 at Walmart. But I secretly took it. On March 26, 2021, I started taking it. I took it out of desperation understanding myself enough that if I didn't take it I'd attempt suicide again. And who's knows what I'd do to myself? My parents explained how great I was acting and functioning. They seemed really happy. Then, I got in a pickle. A vacation with my family was coming in May. And staying at a hotel means I can't hide my medication. I told them how good I was doing and my parents still agreed with smiles. Then, I told them I wasn't taking medication that the psychiatrist provided and I was taking an otc medicine. Instantly, it became a problem. It was happy summer day when I was doing well with something my parents enjoyed and gave them comfort. But when I was being secretive about my medication the story changed.
I continued through 9 months of trauma. People trying to kill me. Friends trying to kill me. Friends trying to force me to believe things how they want it or I couldn't hang out with them. Being forced out of having a shelter to live in during 30 degree weather in my car. I met a cool homeless guy to talked to for 2 weeks. He had kept his thyroid problems from occuring for 3 months with Walmart over-the-counter medication. He and I slept in different areas of an arrangement with police to sleep in a abandoned home's crawl space. It was well venelated and more comfortable temperature-wise than my car. My car isn't that old. The house was older probably.
No matter how much endurance you have, it won't get you money. No matter how many hours you get it won't make you satisfied every time. No matter what issues you have people only care for money. Not you. That. That's the problem. Even people we qualify as homeless don't care about nobody. The homeless people are non-existent in America anyway. Homeless people aren't homeless. They are jobless. The homeless people could easily be successful as anyone else. They just don't want to. People who have never been jobless or always with a roof under their heads knows they count easily succeed, too. But they've been so lost into if they quit a job and try to be happy, they be lazy forever. There's nothing wrong with at 47 years old you decide to quit and spend almost all your money for expenses to look for another of you want. Just understand the risk you are taking. No income means a lot can be blown in a short time.
The rich horde money for different purposes. Sadly, they are the most poor human beings. If you read some articles about being what goes through the mind of a rich man, it's hard for me to even understand as a bipolar mental ill hopeful nomad. The lack of fluctuation destroys economies and businesses own the governments that cannot help itself. They don't need it at all. Not even close. Because needs and wants are much different. Nobody in the world needs more than 20M and that's giving a ton of extra room. However, if your argument is that you could use a $50M mansion then understand that purchasing a $50M mansion to use is a want. Because anybody in the world could use ALL the money in the world or be a trillionaire, but nobody NEEDS it. See what I'm saying?
Balance is important. Health and happiness are important and should be stabilized. Paying workers for their work isn't going to be profitable for billionaires. But why do billionaires NEED profit? The have everything they NEED already.