Trigger warning- mention of suicidal ideation and ptsd
I quit my last job after a client went behind my back and told coworkers I was incompetent and stupid despite never giving any negative feedback to me during the 3 months I poured myself into their implementation. And I was being paid below market rate with 5 days max pto/year (no year to year rollover or increase with tenure).
I’ve been diagnosed with c-ptsd stemming from an extremely verbally abusive boss I had before that job, along with all the abuse hurled at me when I worked in retail.
I’ve had so many nights after work where I thought of ending my life because it feels like I’ll never be good enough to deserve not being yelled at, demeaned, humiliated, intimidated and abused.
The second they sign your paycheck, they give themselves permission to terrorize you emotionally and mentally. Sometimes it starts even before that during the interview process.
Having the absolute privilege of getting out of the toxicity I was able to go to an intensive outpatient program for depression recovery and I’m so glad I did. But the skills I learned almost seem null and void in the context of paid labor. Setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care is forbidden at work. You exist as a punching bag.
Thanks for listening.