This has always been a problem for me, I feel very guilty and shitty whenever I call out of work. Currently working as a first-year elementary school teacher.
I’ve been a bit sick all week, head cold type stuff, burning sinuses, watery eyes and all that. Today it hit me a bit harder, can hardly keep my eyes open with out tears coming out, and I now have a cough and respiratory irritation.
I messaged my boss this morning letting her know that I was coming in but should probably go home if they can find a substitute. I went in for the first hour of the day and got materials prepped for the sub, then went home. My boss was appreciative that I came in for the morning, avoiding a frantic scramble to get coverage. There was nothing to make me feel bad about it.
I have been sick pretty frequently this year, and have been dealing with health problems that haven’t been so problematic before this year. I haven’t exceeded my PTO, but in our one-on-one meetings, my boss has often linked my absences with a variety of common teacher challenges – behavior management and academic data.
In some cases, the connection just doesn’t make sense, like when two students had a minor physical confrontation when one shut the other’s laptop. They were both on task and doing what they were supposed to, the class was calm, but both are emotionally reactive students and it just happened in an instant. My boss implied that my absences somehow contributed, though I hadn’t been absent in over a month prior.
It makes it hard to rest. I try to sleep off some sickness, but wake up intermittently with heart racing anxiety. I feel like I’m letting the kids down, even though many of them love having subs and tell me to go home when I’m sick.
Like I said, this has always been a problem at any job, I just feel guilt. How can I process or cope with this and begin improving myself so that I’m not wasting days meant for rest on shitty feelings? Apologies for length.