Every week I have a 1×1 meeting without my boss to review the status of projects. The last few months have been stressful because she put me on a PIP saying my projects took too long. I admit they slumped in the winter as I was having a depressive episode and just didn’t care about work. But you can’t admit that to your manager. As if.
The last 80 some days I’ve been much more focused and pushing results towards completion. Some projects have gone over the estimated timeline because fine tuning and debugging control systems is not always quick. However they are very close to complete. I wanted to give a good finished result we could trust.
During the meeting today I asked how she felt things were going and how my progress was coming along. So I’d know what to expect when we go to HR with the PIP for review. She kept saying progress was being seen and I was more focused, but she only cares about finished results on the floor. Which felt like a punch in the gut; as if I got no credit for all of the effort it took to get these automation projects this far along.
I asked her to give me her thoughts on how the review might go so I can prepare for it good or bad. In the middle of the conversation she says, “I know you like working here and we have to see if the company is the right fit for you and if you’re the right fit for us. This is business and we’re not here to make friends.”
That right there told me everything I needed to know. I am a resource, a profit generator, I as a person do not matter to her. Only what I can put out. And by the way, she never says thank you for the work I do. Today alone I brought the margin of error for a process I designed down from 10% to just under 3% and all she had to was was “ok”. I hate it here… I use to like the place and the coworkers I have on my level. I can tell this won’t last. I already have résumés out. I wanted to stay but it hurts to only be valued based on my productivity.