Hi all,
So, I just got a new job less than two months ago. Higher position, more pay, better culture. It's been stressful but not terrible. About 3 weeks ago, my life turned upside down. My grandfather, who's a parent to me and the only person in my family I have left and have been close to, entered hospice. He was my best friend and the only familial support I had left. He was the one who guided me and loved me no matter what. He's gone now, and I'm in so much pain. What makes matters worse is that I don't have my father or mother to help me through this. My dad passed years ago, and I've had a strained relationship with both him and my mother. I haven't spoken to my mother in over a year and a half. Don't want to either.
My company has been very understanding even though I have not earned my benefits yet. They let me take a week and a half to be with my grandfather at the hospital paid PTO. Aside from some of the unintentional insensitive advice most people tend to give to someone grieving, I have no complaints about their handling of it.
My problem is, this position is incredibly stressful. My brain has practically ceased to work. I can't muster up motivation if I tried. I take constant cry breaks and the work keeps piling up. I feel like I don't know when this will get better. Part of me wants to just take a part time service gig for now to lessen the stress of this, but I don't know if I'll regret it. I feel like everything is so pointless and trivial now. It's very difficult for me to just move on and worry about some company's bottom line when I have no more family that truly gives a shit about me to turn to. Friendships aren't the same.
I have a small amount of savings, but it would be unwise to blow it. I'm just desperate and tired. Any advice?