I typed this out on my phone in reply to a naive 19 year-old who thinks everyone can “make it” like he has. The thread was locked by the time I finished typing it up.
The reply follows:
Let me tell you a bit about someone else's experience.
Mother got pregnant in her teens. She was kicked out by her parents and had to go through the pregnancy in a Catholic hospital for unwed, unhoused pregnant women.
Child grows up in a crime-ridden HUD subsidized apartment complex with a single-mother. The mother is on every form of welfare available. Without it we'd be on the streets. Not a great situation but that's all the child knows and is a happy kid.
Government does welfare reform. The mother no longer can afford to be a single-mother. The mother gets into a relationship with the child's biological father who turns out to be an alcoholic and domestic abuser. The parents can't afford phone service. The child has to run to the neighbors apartment to call the police. This happens over and over. Blood, yelling, crying, police, jail visits.
The child has PTSD and mental health problems due to these experiences, this environment. There's no respite from this dysfunction. The child sees a guy get shot multiple times in the head in a drive by right outside his window. The blood stains the playground sidewalk for weeks This exacerbates the child's mental health problems.
The child is now a teenager. He can't finish school. Can't be around other kids. Is on all sorts of medication. Ends up being sent to a mental hospital for juveniles.
Things really don't change in the household for this teen. He goes through evictions, more abuse and more trauma.
Eventually there are people in his life who take a risk in helping this teen. They provide a safe place to live. They buy him a suit for an interview. They buy him a computer to tinker with. He gets his GED and works full time at a big box store. He then gets some IT certifications. Years pass. He marries up and gets out of poverty. Works over a decade at a very decent job. He now owns a home. Has a child of his own, who won't go through the same trauma. Gets an even better job. One with great healthcare and an amazing schedule.
This adult realizes that every person's situation is different. That other people have helped him get where he is. That he didn't do it on his own. That he isn't an island.
He wouldn't have understood this at 19 years of age.