This is just a vent and I'm sure someone out there understands what I'm going through.
I bust my ass. I've applied for over hundreds of second jobs to make ends meet. I have two semesters left until I graduate with my bachelor's degree. I'm a full time single mom to a 5 year old and 18 month old and I do everything I can for them. My ex husband literally pays $188 a month in child support – that's all I get from him. I was able to receive some government assistance right after my ex left and it helped me get on my feet, but when I took this retail job, those benefits were suddenly cut off. No more SNAP, no TANF, I still get WIC for the 18 month old, but I'm also paying daycare costs for her and after school care for the 5 year old. I took this retail job because it wasn't enough to survive on government assistance alone. I go to two different food banks because it's hard enough to keep the fridge stocked.
And despite me asking my store manager for more hours, to please bump me up from part-time to full-time, so I'm not having to juggle bills, her response was “Why don't you sell some feet pics on OnlyFans LOL” and yeah she was joking but she also doesn't have kids, works full-time, does less work than me and has a boyfriend to split the bills with her.
Today, I had to choose between getting pads (can't do a cup or tampons after having my second child. It hurts and feels wrong) and making sure my youngest had enough food for this week because her daycare does not provide any meals or snacks. I had $30 to my name and now I have less than $5. Obviously, I went with making sure my child is fed. I went to work and asked a couple of my co-workers if anyone had any pads to spare, which is embarrassing as fuck, and they both said no. Which is pretty fucked considering it's been my task to supply our break room with snacks and shit for when we all take our breaks or lunches.
It's just goddamn sad. I shouldn't have to make these choices. I should be okay with my retail job until I graduate but it's not. Getting kicked off assistance sucked so much. Like do you know how bad I want to surprise my 5 year old with a trip to the movies? Or a new Barbie doll? But I can't because of situations like this. I'm just sad and mad and irritated and I so desperately want to have an actual career making real money and providing for my kids beyond their wildest dreams.