I worked two jobs. Both were detrimental to my mental health in varying ways but the one I walked out of destroyed my mental health. The toxic work environment lead me to having a full blown mental breakdown in the middle of serving brunch. After I left not a single person I worked with tried to contact me to see if I was okay. Everyone saw me losing my mind. No one cared that I was in the worst state of my life. One person messaged me a few weeks later but I’m sure that was with the motive of trying to get something to gossip about with another coworker. I learned not to trust them. My other job was the only thing I had. I held onto it so dearly and I felt like it was the only thing I had anymore. I felt like my career was going nowhere and I deserved to crash and burn. I went on a few job interviews. Waitressing has always been my backup while I built my career. Every restaurant I went to hired me immediately due to staffing shortages. I felt so empty. I started looking into jobs in my career as a hairstylist. I was still holding onto my old shop for dear life. I didn’t think I deserved better. I still love that shop for everything it gave me at the beginning of my career that overlapped with Covid. I’m so grateful that I have that place to begin my career. But it wasn’t for me. I got an interview at a salon. I almost didn’t go. I was so broken down by my jobs making me feel like I’m not good enough. Like I couldn’t work hard enough. I didn’t feel like I was good enough for even an interview and I should just quit. If I even got the job, would it just be like all the rest? Same shit, different day.
I’ve been working at the salon pretty much ever since. I changed my whole life in the matter of weeks. When you’ve worked in so many toxic environments that a healthy one is a culture shock. I don’t feel sick just at the idea of working. I enjoy my days. I’m making relatively good money. I’m still recovering from the financial cost of a mental breakdown so money is still a stressor. But I’m at the light at the end of the tunnel. Good work is out there. I never knew. I thought I’d always be in a toxic environment and just working to make money to live. It’s so amazing to feel this way.
I know this has kinda become pro work but this is the sign to say fuck toxic work environments. Jobs don’t have to break you. You deserve respect at work. You deserve to feel stable and happy. Do not let your toxic environments gaslight you into thinking that that’s all there’s is. A job shouldn’t make you feel sick just at the idea of clocking in. I’m so proud of everyone able to get out of the toxicity and I’m sending love to everyone who feels stuck right now.
I’m typing this sitting on a couch at my new job after a meeting with the owners that made me want to cry with happiness. They probably don’t even think that what they said was so great. But to think of where I was at the beginning of summer until now it’s night and day.
Fuck toxicity. Spread love.