Today I spent most of my day spiraling with what I’m almost certain is overthinking. About eight months ago I took on a role that I for sure knew I would excel in, however, it quickly became the most crippling job in my life. It was as if someone had wiped my brain clean and I lied my way into the door. I lived in a constant loop of guilt paralysis. Guilty for the mess I had inherited. Blaming myself for not being able to understand the convoluted processes that were implemented well before me. The expectations that maybe I had put on myself were seriously crippling. Everyday, I lived in a cycle of boredom. Where I would just disconnect and go off in a daze rather than force myself to continue this never ending cycle of boring task. Since starting this job, my creativity had literally been zapped. I knew all the problems and the solutions but I checked out every time it was time to implement them. I’d stop caring at times then care way too much. It was this weird place to be in and I felt & still feel so burnt out and just over it. Everyday I felt dumber and dumber and my decision making functions had just completely vanished. I was sick following a process that I knew to be wrong but just couldn’t care enough to fix. I just wanted out! I think me wanting out so bad is what caused me to have this sense of wishy washiness. Some days I’d tackle the problem head on then others I’d just be like FUCK THIS! I’d hate everything and everyone tied to the job because it all was just a never ending clusterfuck. I sat there and questioned myself everyday, my confidence literally depleted and I felt just useless & dumb. Is this my life? It’s been a constant tossup between am I fucking up my life by bitching so much about my job or is it just time to really hit the drawing board and completely find something else? I’ve felt more lost than ever these last few months. Has anyone else gone through this?