I feel a great deal of confusing hurt and frustration about a meeting I had with my supervisor, and I just need to vent for a minute. This is going to be lengthy, fair warning.
I teach group fitness classes. A couple days ago, while reviewing my schedule for the day, I noticed the last of the 3 classes I teach had 2 ppl in it (there’s usually about 20+ ppl) and in the past, the gym manager has cancelled classes if there are less than 3 ppl.
Because of this, I texted my supervisor (different from the manager) and asked them if we should cancel classes since there are only 2 ppl. I then went on to teach my classes without checking my phone and halfway thru my second class, one of the associates up front came and asked me if it was okay with me if the last class was cancelled. Thinking the supervisor had given the green light and the associate was just checking in with me, I said sure. I really don’t have a say whether we cancel class or not, either way.
Fast forward later that evening, I’m home and the supervisor answers my question about classes being canceled and says the last class shouldn’t have been canceled. The supervisor then asks in the group chat shared with all the staff at the gym what time the last class was canceled. Because I’m a dumbass and didn’t look where the message was sent, I thought it was a private message to me so I answered “halfway thru my second class.”
Supervisor responds, in the group chat for everyone to read, “I’m the only one that can say when a class is canceled or not; OP, I’m going to be following this up with you personally.” They then proceeded to send me a lengthy email about how they need to set up a zoom call with me to go over teaching expectations because I seem to be stepping outside of my core duties. I’m confused at this point but I acquiesce.
During the zoom meeting a couple days later, along with my lead group fitness instructor, the manager, and the owner of the gym, the supervisor purports I asked to have classes canceled because when I went “bruh, there’s 2 ppl in the last class… we should cancel class” to the associate out front, and that was construed as me asking to have class canceled. After we both shared our perspectives, the supervisor goes on to the next point on their agenda. They say they need to talk about my attitude at work. I'm a little taken aback, seeing that I love my job so much it puts me in a good mood going to work, and so I ask, confused, “Attitude?”
They go on to claim they don't know what version of me they're going to get when I walk in through the doors. Some days I'm moody and dark (I made the mistake of answering honestly to “How are you?” with “I'm drowning in life's responsibilities but I'm surviving”), I'm sometimes sitting behind the desk with my hands on the table not talking to clients, etc… They then proceed to tell me to be like a host at a party making sure I'm the life of the party when I'm at work and making sure everyone is having a great time…
The only problem is, the times they described me having an attitude were times I was coming into the gym to workout myself. Even that “dark” comment was said while I was doing lunges working out. I wasn't coaching anyone, I wasn't on the clock, I was just there to take the workout class and get my stress relief. The personal time I take to workout myself, destress, and boost my own endorphins to be able to be the upbeat and energetic coach I always wanted to be, that time, that version of me, is what they were judging.
I'm not sure why, but that really hurt my feelings. I would fully understand if I was being rude or lazy or if clients thought I was lame. That would get an immediate change of behavior from me, but to be told, “hey, can you not be sad when you're experiencing loss and paste a smile on your face when you're here, whether you're working out or not” just absolutely broke me. I loved teaching fitness classes, it's so rewarding to my soul and brings me so much joy, but because of the erroneous optics leadership is choosing to see me through, my soul is simply crushed. For the first time, I don't want to go to work. I feel like if I'm authentically myself, I'm going to get a talk about an attitude I'm not even aware I have. I just feel hurt and disheartened. F this job.