I just hate all of the jobs I had. I tried to do the same thing everyone did which is get a job no matter if you like it or not just for the pay, and then try to enjoy the rest of your life anyways.
But it just didn't work for me. I went on burnout real quick and quit my job. I got kicked out and struggled with homelessness for a while. But I still cannot fucking do it. I can't work a job I dont like for the rest of my life. I can't work at a factory or a warehouse or another shitty job like that again.
I know what people are going to say, that I'm lazy or selfish or weak or whatever but I just dont care at this point. I feel like I lost my will to live.
Therapy hasn't helped because the source of my problems is my career, or more so my lack of.
If I can't get a decent career I'll kill myself soon. I'm just tired of the shit I have to deal with, tired of all these depressing jobs, tired of getting yelled at and criticised because of it. Maybe that's my last act of deifance, maybe someone will care, maybe not, but at least it will be out of my own volition for once, I will finally exist and act on my own will.