It would all make more sense if I went into detail about my former employment. But since age 11, I’ve worked – under the table of course bc I wasn’t 14 yet. I’ve waitressed, bartended, worked retail, customer service, administrative assistance, food and wine, caretaking and other jobs. I put my heart and soul into every job and committed, but we all know how employers can fuck you over, thanklessly using you and even abuse you.
Since 2016, I had left a job I worked at over a year bc of the overwhelming amount of deceptions, disorder and oh ya..prejudice and racism. It was a laundry list of incidents.
HR does not care about you, they care about covering their ass. A racist comment was made to a fellow coworker who was African American – guess what happened when she went to HR? They let HER go.
When I brought up the racist and prejudice I put up with, for less pay than the position originally offered…guess who lied and got the recognition? Not me.
Then two months later my boyfriend died in June at age 33. I was put on anxiety meds. Then that same summer, the old friend I had manipulated and coerced me, posing as a caring friend – to raping me. My father fell deathly ill after…I had to be there for him 24/7 as he was dying slowly.
2017 came – two close friends died young from overdose. Before my fiancé, we lost a few good friends to overdose. I was trying to save my living best friend from the same fate.
My dad died before thanksgiving. My brothers stopped talking to me n my mom when they found out they didn’t receive anything in his will. I didn’t receive a cent but I didn’t care. None of us had money anyway.
2018 – my mom gets very ill and almost loses her life. I somehow get her to get surgery and thru many horrendous care facilities later…she healed which I’m grateful.
More friends died.
I just started a job last week that gave me more anxiety than I had. I feel broken. I knew my strength was depleated, I had to leave. I’m mad at myself. But I know….I’m a shell of my former self with dreams, now dead.