I am a recent grad, working at a CA community non-profit (unionized). I work full time with clients. I started off loving this job, but it just got too much. A shit ton of driving, not enough time to do all the work required, short lunch breaks spent driving, never getting rest breaks — no compensation for forced (unauthorized) overtime work. Worst of all I am penalized for unfinished work I was never given enough time to complete in the first place – plummeting my self confidence in being a good employee. Working after hours and on my weekends is COMMON practice for me – and it's making me sick. I have been burnt out and ready to leave for the past 6 months.
Anyways, I am ready to leave. It's been destroying my mental health – to the point of waking up and going to bed sobbing dreading work the next day. My friends, parents, and partner are very worried about me. Multiple interventions where they tell me I need to leave- quit- get mental health leave- anything. I'm becoming so depressed that I feel and fear I am losing control. My partner will tell me, beg me daily to quit. I don't disagree – but somehow the anxiety of it all is immobilizing- i'm stuck in a self sabotaging cycle.
My parents are (also anxious people) worried about me losing my benefits without having another job lined up to jump into. I get it- thats the smart thing to do And probably what a functional human being would do! I can see that clearly.
Yet- Im struggling to even stay awake (let alone focus on applying to jobs) when I am away from work. I am so burnt out, I get anxiety over having to do almost anything. I have let myself keep pushing it aside and Its getting me nowhere except deeper into my depression hole.
I don't make a lot of money (nonprofit lol) just enough for rent, emergencies and groceries – maybe some fun weekend activities but it isn't enough for me to last very long without stable income. It wouldn't be smart but i don't care. At this point I'm basically hoping I get covid just so I can get some time off to rest and focus on job search/prep while also getting supplemental sick pay.
What could I even do? I have very few sick days left due to covid in December 2021, little vacation time left because my car needed maintenance. Should I quit without a job lined up? Is this stupid- am I letting my mental illness overwhelm my ability to make good decisions, Can my union help? Has anyone felt like this before and what did they do?
I just feel so hopeless. I will wake up “determined to make a change today” but end the day feeling so drained anxious and overwhelmed It's hard to even think.
side note: yes I know that people die from covid and I of course should never wish it upon myself I am just using it to explain what kind of mental state I am in. Same concept different example would be intrusive thoughts of getting in a minor accident that gets me out of work for a few days. Not a good idea but i'm in a corner at this point.
Thx
One good thing, I know now to avoid Non-profit companies in the future.