This is a long read. I need to know if there’s anything I can do about this. TL;DR at the bottom!
I worked for a small family business for about 4 years. Technically I’ve never been an official “employee” as I’m a private contractor, so I was on a signed agreement from 2017 until now. This is important as it blurs the lines between what conduct is ok and what isn’t.
I started my career in this place and spent over 55+ hours a week (sometimes 80!) honing my craft and doing whatever my boss asked of me. I spent my own money on supplies and many of my off-days working. I received the bare minimum percentage of commission, and when I averaged this time out I was making nearly $5 per hour in an area where the minimum has been $15 for a long time.
Aside from this, my workplace was extremely racist, sexist, and politically charged. Female workers were expected to be sexually harassed and laugh along with it. If you weren’t white or straight, you’d definitely hear jokes made about you on a daily basis. My boss enjoyed taking on a fatherly role, as he typically hired young women, and unfortunately as another young girl who lacked a father figure in her life, I fell prey to this.
He knew everything about us from our sex lives, pregnancy scares, boy problems, and other life issues. He made me think this was ok because we were like “family”. My fiancé found this extremely inappropriate but thought I was happy with my work so he didn’t bring it up too often.
It was like this for years. I was burnt out, underpaid, and nearly suicidal. Finally, I started to network with other workers at different establishments in the area, and when I told them my work conditions they were extremely alarmed. Pretty soon I got a job offer to help me exit my situation! They offered me a 25% raise with HALF of the working hours I’d grown used to, more flexibility, and the freedom to manage my business for myself with no outside influences.
I got the courage to tell my boss I was putting my notice in. We sat down together one evening and I told him the conditions I was unhappy with. For context, I’ve seen about 22 other people quit this same workplace for the same reasons over the years. I was doing my best to let him know ways to improve the working conditions so his business would survive long term. He listened with open ears until I told him that I was going to put my notice in.
He immediately went cold and berated me until I told him where I was going to be working next. He then went on to tell me that business was shady, and they were known for poaching workers and putting them in horrendous conditions. He told me to stay where I was if I knew what was good for me, but he also told me he would NOT match their pay or hours and that it was ridiculous. He said when I start working there they would flip the switch because my work isn’t “worth it” yet. THIS, coming from the guy who insisted I triple my prices because “I’m worth it”. That’s rich.
I won’t lie, he was very convincing, and in that moment I felt like the conversation was completely derailed and I found myself questioning my reality. Once I felt this way I realized I was being manipulated and gaslit. I told him I was sorry and that I didn’t know what I was talking about. He told me to think about it over the weekend.
When we left his cubicle, he apologized to everyone who waited for us for ME making them stay late to “talk about my feelings”. He told everyone there I was “thinking about leaving” and “came to my senses”. He also told them other detailed of our personal conversation in the flavor of “look, guys, she thinks she’s better than us!”
I was shocked and my coworkers looked extremely uncomfortable. I took the weekend off, came back on Monday, and my boss was sitting in my cubicle as soon as I got in. He told me that he thinks my management position got the best of me and that I might be less high strung if he bumped my promotion down. He says, “I’m doing this for your well-being, you know that right?”
I smiled and hugged him and told him I understood. When he came to check on my later that day, I had all of my things packed. He was stunned. I said goodbye, kept it professional, and got the HELL out of there.
We have no HR, we have no resources, but that doesn’t make any of this ok. There’s gotta be something someone can do. I don’t want to retaliate for myself, but I wish I could give one of the other girls some resources in case something worse happens to them. I’m still so angry.
My new workplace is exactly as promised and I LOVE it so far. I finally feel human again but I’ve come to terms with the fact I had an inappropriate and borderline abusive relationship with my previous employer. It’s going to take me time to heal, and my new coworkers have been extremely patient and understanding. In our industry, this experience is EXTREMELY common. It sickens me.
TLDR; I hit burnout big time after working my ass off for a job that took advantage of me. I was overworked, underpaid, and when I tried to quit my boss manipulated, gaslit, and humiliated me in front of my coworkers. I walked out the next day and started a new job. Things are good but I’m trying to grasp the gravity of the situation and wish I could help the others that will be in my position very soon. Thanks for listening!