Bit of background, I'm (M, UK based) late middle aged, and have worked nonstop in office / call centre roles all my life since age 16. For the last 20 years I was a junior level manager. Because I always hated the whole world of work, and was exhausted with the 12-hour days (including commute) I never put any effort into furthering my “career”, but at least I showed up and did the job.
I was let go due to COVID in 2020, after 25 years with the same company. I've spent the last 2 years looking after my 12-year-old daughter part-time (shared custody), and just generally enjoying life thanks to the redundancy payment. Also tried to set up my own hustle so I wouldn't have to find more work, but that is only bringing in a very modest income, not even close to enough to live on and I can't really expand it.
The redundancy money is now almost gone. I've known since Christmas that it was time to start looking for work. I know what needs to be done, and I'm not a lazy bum, but every time I do a job search, when I start reading the bullshit lists of requirements from recruiters, and see the cringingly low wages being offered, I just freeze up and end up going for a walk or watching television. Anything to put off having to deal with all the crap, the terrible interview nerves, the stupid trap/competency based questions, and then having to face most of my time being taken up with the garbage that work entails, once again.
I know I can't get out of work, downsizing isn't an option, I need an income to survive in this system. But I would like to know if anyone has been in this situation where they just cannot get motivated to go back, even with the sword of damocles hanging over their head – any thoughts welcome as I'm just fighting against myself at this point.